A Flash of Lightning in a Summer Cloud

 Wow. Somehow you've found yourself here. This is a snapshot into some of my old life - specifically 2005-2006. And thanks for your curiosity. There's a lot more current content, and I've made it much easier to find. Just google "Blue Magic Alchemy" and you'll find me. 

There's also a podcast...although it's a little more geared towards my current work and interests than a journal of my experiences like this blog was.

These days I'm helping people with breathwork, meditation and integrating their experiences in expanded states of consciousness. It's a trip to look back on these old memories, especially in hindsight as I know where they'll take me. Who knows where the current road is leading?

With Blessings and Deep Breaths,

Jonathan

Thanks for the people still reading this. I havent had a lot to share recently, going through changes, lack of computer etc.

Also this blog was started as a travel log and I'm not doing any geographical travelling at them moment so it seems a little weird. I'm debating whether to post some writing that was done during the tibetan period and start a new blog or keep going with this one.

What do you think?

I do laugh when I see that people are still reading this. Not that I'm laughing at you...it's just my ego swelling in an unnecesary way. I do think it's interesting that people seem to have such an idea about what I should be doing with my life, regardless of how much they know about it. I guess it's an american attitude...most of us judge celebrities based on what we know or speculate about them. Now I'm not saying that I 'm a celebrity, but I have volunteered a certain amount of infromation about my life that people have formed opinions about. And usually I'm not like that. Sure I have minor opinions when I really think someone is underachieving or going down the wrong path, but generally I am happy to let people live their lives without much advise from my part.

Maybe it's because some people looked at what I was doing and got to experience a little bit of freedom vicariously. Wow I sound like an asshole writing something like that. Maybe it's my problem...that I am somewhat suseptible to what people think about me. But I thought back on some of the opinions that people have expressed lately and just shook my head because there is a whole other story going on. I like what Ricky had to say "we'll support you no matter what you decide". I don't want to step on anybodies toes either. I am not reacting any one person or comment and most of the things I have in mind have been said away from this blog, so please I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

One thing that is really interesting to sit with right now is the possibility that I am wrong, and that I am going to fail. There is alot of doubt and trust in staying in the moment, even though there is a part of me who wants to bolt sometimes. And I'm trying to practice that wisdom of acceptance rather than my projections of what I would rather see happening. It's not easy. Maybe that's why I stopped playing baseball as a kid. When I was a kid I LOVED baseball. Ask my parents and relatives, I LIVED for the Dodgers. I loved going to Dodger stadium, I loved watching the games on TV and hearing Vin Scully, and I loved pretending that I was a Dodger. And then I got old enought to play little league and mot only was I not a good player, but I eneded up on a shitty team. And I gave up on it. I had one last place season and that was it. But life isn't that easy right? You've got to walk through the rough times the same as the good ones.

And maybe I am better off or I have learned something. Because even when I am having difficulties, I am still clean and sober and I don't see that changing. And being able to sit and experience the wide range of human emotions is certainly better than giving in to addiction.

It's funny, ever since I read Elizabeth's comment about my "dark" blog I have tried not to be so dark...but it is just what comes out. It makes me laugh because if you know me you know I like to laugh, but the blog is what it is. And I can't JUST complain or say the glass is half empty...I have to aknowledge that I know it's just my own opinion and that someone else might see it as half full.

An old saying of wisdom is only a fool thinks he knows everything, but the wise man knows he doesn't have a clue. And I'm not saying I am wise but I am certainly not a fool (at least not according to that definition)

Yeah

Funny I was just reading Elizabeth's blog and laughing a bit where she said she always found my blog a bit dark and negative. I 've got nothing to say to that...it's pretty truthful. I think it's partially my worldview, I am a "glass half empty" type; but it's also just what happened. Yes I am happy to share things about my travels, but I also need to vent sometimes. Don't feel too special, I write in my private journals in the same style.

So much has happened since I last wrote, and I don't want to write a log of events that have occurred in the last month or two. It's enough to say that life has (and will continue) to change ALOT and that I just need time to process some of it.

And as stupid as this sounds for someone writing a blog, a piece of public property, alot of what's happening is kind of private, and so it's difficult for me to open my mouth and shout to the world the way I did before. The circumstances have changed. Does this mean that I don't have anything more to say? No! But I find what I enjoy writing about are my own feelings and observations to things happening in my life...it's what this blog has been about and some of that stuff right now...well I don't know how to report on it.

We all go through different stages and they fade into one another. I just accept it as it comes and try to stay optimistic. I may have an opportunity to go to India after all this summer and that would be really cool. At the same time I am left with a lot of uncertainty and doubt about where my life is going. I know everyone has an opinion, and an idea about what I should be doing...but that doesn't mean they really have a clue as to what is going on in my head.

As a person with a huge ego and a lot of pride, I am learning many lessons right now. Staying humble, moving forward even if it's just one small step at a time. And remembering that this to shall pass. And I know it will.

On Hiatus

Sorry to te folks that read this blog...obviously I haven't been doing much writing lately but life changes and you have to change with it. It's not so easy without a computer in the house, running around to different parts of the country and seeing different people.

So for the moment I am on hiatus...check back in soon I'll have something for you

cheers

In all its subtlety and complexity, life is just a beautiful mystery. I guess it comes down to how you look at it. Like at the end of the movie Dogma when God is asked what the meaning of life is ..she just smiles and tweaks the nose of the questioner. And are you really going to get any more profound than that?

Well I guess you could...depending on your spiritual outlook, but don't we have the tendency to overanalyze, to make things a lot more complicated than they really are? The mystery...could it come down to that old saying in 2 statements:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff...
2. Everything is the small stuff.

Seriously, how difficult is that to follow?

Things are understandably different and strange right now. I don't feel culture shock as much as feel the vastness of the world weighing down on me. Not that I feel lost, just appreciative of the vastness and the variety of life. When I was on my way to the airport to leave China I met a gentleman from France. He asked me what I was doing in China and I related my story briefly to him. Although he was about twice my age he had a look like he completely understood, and smiled appreciatively as I shared some of my dreams with him. He told me that now would be the most difficult part of my journey because I would no longer be an American in Tibet, a man on a mission, I would be just another person back in my culture and country...that I would be returning to all those things that I had left behind: society, politics, relationships and family. He shared with me that he had done something similar when he was my age...he had gone and lived in Egypt, but that those days were long over...now he was visiting China on business and was finally going home to see his 2 kids and wife.

While I completely understood what he said, I didn't agree with him. Of course one never knows what life holds for them, but this is not an extended vacation that I have returned from; it is a faintly outlined road to journey upon in life. Is it the only road? No, and it's not the easiest road either, but I know I cannot go back to that person I was before. sitting at a desk, bullshitting at a water cooler talking about what I did last weekend or looking forward to what I was going to do this weekend. The trick now is to figure out exactly HOW I will accomplish the goals that I have.

Anyway right now I am busy relaxing and getting ready to go to Los Angeles and researching NPO's (my next project is starting one...I'll let you know).

And here are some pictures of what I have been up to recently:

Some folks I love dearly and I
and my new tattoo, done by a fellow practitioner and a real cool guy http://www.lovehatetattoo.com/main.html go to artists "aiden"

The dukkha (suffering) of the drug problem.

I wrote this when I was working my steps about a year and a half ago. Today I was reading something that a friend had posted and it reminded me of this. Enjoy:

The dukkha (suffering) of the drug problem.

The problem is not drugs.I believe in this case the use of the word problem is deceptive. It implies something that can be fixed via remedy. Therefore if there is a drug problem this should be remedied by application of an antidote. Instead of a drug problem, I think of it more of a drug solution.

We used drugs as a solution to a more sinister underlying problem, just as some people use sugar, sex, television or a number of other solutions to attempt to remedy the bare fact that they can not sit still comfortably in their own skin.

If we had a drug problem, then quitting the drug should bring a solution, but as we know this is not the case. The reality of this is not something that can be easily shown conceptually, it is something thatis experienced directly and can be very overwhelming.

This is where the concepts of the first step, of unmanageability come into play with the first and second Noble Truths of Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha Shakyamuni. We must look deeply and honestly at our selves and see how mistaken we are at this present moment in time. We have not been willing to look at the real problem, ourselves. Instead of standing firm and facing the great pain we continuously feel when we slow down and look deeply,we continuously make the problem worse by utilizing methods that only help to keep us in bondage. It is like we suddenly find our selves in a deep hole and instead of attempting to climb out, we decide we could possibly keep digging and come out on the other side. Again, this is not something that is easily conveyed except by a direct and personal experience. We must have a direct realization that through our past unskillful actions we have created an unending stream of suffering for ourselves by looking to an outer refuge to remedy the bare fact that we are not happy. This is the real problem, as explained in the 12 step program as well as by the Buddha.

The first noble truth of the Buddha is that dukkha,(suffering) is inherent to existence. We are born, we get sick, and we die. All these bring suffering. We suffer because we are affected by greed, desire, aversion and the negative mental states and emotions. We are affected by the suffering of karma, by the actions of ourselves and those around us. The biggest cause of suffering is our ignorance, which does not see this whole process, and which continues to look outwards for a solution to a problem that it does not really grasp. Dukkha of course is much vaster and more complex then explained briefly here for the purposes of this paper.

The second noble truth, is that the suffering we are all experiencing is caused by this fundamental ignorance, that we are continuously grasping at a solution for a problem we do not really understand. In this case that we have an extreme aversion to dealing with ourselves and that we have attempted to deal with this by staying in a numb state where we do not have to really look in the mirror.

It is like we are standing on the beach with our back to the water, looking for the ocean. The dharma, as explained by the Zen master Bodhidharma, is like the finger pointing to the moon. The finger is not the moon, yet the finger is necessary for without it, the moon could go unfound forever.

The good news is there is a solution, both in the 12steps and in message of the Buddha. But in order to see it we must look deeply and honestly to see that our lives are unmanageable due to our unskillfulactions, by our inability to see the real problem. We must admit that our solution never solved anything,that in reality we were only creating more dukkha for ourselves. We have an infinite number of unskillfulways to deal with our problem, but at the root there is only one cause. We must admit to ourselves that the hole we have been digging has no escape, that we must put down the shovel and start climbing out. On a more subtle level we must realize that we can give upone problem like drugs and pick up another, such assugar or sexual gratification. We can also put down the shovel and sit where we are, but this will not get us out of the hole. We have to realize that the real underlying problem is me, the way I feel not the way I chose to deal with these feelings. The drugs we took in attempting to remedy the problem are a symptom of our real problem. To put it in dharmic terms the finger is pointing at the moon, it is not the moon itself. It is amazing to think that our unskillful use of drugs has brought us to a place where we can fix the real problem which we have not been able to see before. We have used a very unorthodox method of realization, but now we have the opportunity to turn it around.These are the first two noble truths of the Buddha.

The third is accepting that there is a solution to our problem, that we can reach a point of cessation. This brings us to the 4th truth, the path which leads to cessation. But both systems (12 step program, and Buddhism) are founded on an honest surrender, a realization that can only come internally. That our lives have become unmanageable, that they are made o fdukkha is easily understood intellectually but this is incorrect. It is what Venerable Chogyam Trungpa called spiritual materialism because we will not really surrender instead our ego will manipulate what we read or try to figure out into a way where it survives. We will look spiritual on the outside, but it will be a hollow shell still tormented within. It is easy to see the suffering of others and think of unmanageability as conceptual, but until we look deeply and see it within ourselves it continues as an intellectual conception. Instead we must be honest and see our misplaced search for happiness and where the real problem is, and then we can begin to get down to dealing with it.

This is directly addressed in both Buddhism and the 12step program; that in order to recover we must look skillfully, see the real problem and surrender. We must hit bottom of a never-ending hole, we must admit the reality of dukkha and the inevitability of karma. However until we actually surrender it is completely possible to be in the program and to practice Buddhism under the grasp of spiritual materialism, because at the root of both paths lies the admission that the real problem is ourselves and our unskillfulness in finding a real solution. That the fundamenta lignorance (our ego) has manipulated us for too long, and that we haven't gotten anywhere by following it.

As spiritual practitioners we must welcome this challenge to face ourselves because our honesty shows us that indeed we are on the real path to recovery, if we are willing to continuously do the work necessary. Then when we have climbed out of our hole we can stand and look at it from the outside, and with eyes wide open walk the other way and leave our hole behind forever.

I have used we in this paper merely as it is the way it spilled out of my head, however these represent my own thoughts and I am in no way attempting to push them on any other person, nor insinuate that I am right or that I know anything about anyone besides myself.

The Lantern Festival

I had forgotten about posting these, but remembered since I'm leaving that I had some extra China pics lying around waiting to be uploaded. I took these during the Lantern Festival, which is the culmination of the 2 week Lunar New Year celebration (also known in these parts as the Spring Festival).

Chinese New Year in itself is not that cool...mostly it's just constantly hearing firecrackers for 2 weeks, getting woken up by them etc. The funny thing is that you see unsupervised children setting off firecrackers and fireworks constantly.

But the Lantern Festival is awesome. They line the streets with lanterns and shut down traffic and EVERYONE comes out to look at the lanterns, watch fireworks, touch the lions and dragons for good luck

and jump over bonfires to get rid of the bad things from the previous year (I have pics of these too that haven't been uploaded.)

The city gets this cool quasi rave meets marti gras vibe, everyone out cruising around enjoying themselves...good times.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (not in that order)

In the imaginary system I have set up for myself in my head, I am rounding third headed for home and 3 out of the 4 legs are done with. I have a feeling (and I can only hope and pray) that as I head that final 90 feet that the center fielder is still running to catch the ball that has sailed over his head and that I'm not about to get owned at the plate.

But that's the way it is right now. Sure I can try to stay optimistic but it seems as if Murphy's Law is following me around like te Grim Reaper and I won't quit looking over my shoulder until I am down on U.S. soil once again.

On the other hand I think the worst of it is over (famous last words right?) One of the things that I have realized is that China is a very large diverse country. And yes there are the areas that you see or read about that are westernized and modern and sparkeling new...well I don't live anywhere near there. If you saw and experienced where I live you would probably think you were in another country (think about that one for a minute...)

In order to get from the nearest city (Xining) out to the Monastery to collect my things I had to take a 24 hour sleeper bus ride. Now they call it a sleeper bus but I never do any sleeping on it. There are many possible reasons for this. It could be the unpaved and uneven terrain you are travelling over 90% of the time. It could be that 90% of the people on the bus are smoking throughout ost of the trip. But the obvious reaon would be that 90% of the people in China are smaller than I am and the seats on the bus are designed with them in mind. Imagine lying down with your knees bent unable to stretch for about 24 hours. Then also you have to hop out and go to the bathroom when the herd decides it's time and I am not quite inclined to that.

Basically you haven't lived until you have had the experience...and when you think about round or multiple trips ...look out! Now I know I'm kind of bitching again but it's not easy. And yeah whatever everyone has problems. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's my forum and I'll cry if I want to.

Now to flip the mirror around: I am really looking forward to coming home. The Last 9 months have been full of amazing experiences but I am ready for a break. Ready to see all of my loved ones and those who have given me support from the other side of the planet. A couple of people will be getting married, I get to visit a new state, and I get to repeat something I found quite enjoyable: driving across the country. And the best part of that is the end of the road the love of my life will be waiting for me.

Here's looking forward to double doubles and sushi that tastes the way it should. To being in a land where I am not luwai, tsijah, farong, or open to stares and discrimination. To sharing the things that slip my mind when I am writing this page (really how can you fit your whole life into a few words???) To seeing my Grandfather, my parents and friends.

This is an amazing time for me. It is a time that goes to show a universal truth: that no matter how strong your illusion...there is merely the illusion of control, and that you never know where life will take you if you are open and willing to accept that powerlessness and embrace it. Rather than coming back with a broken spirit I have high hopes and expectations for the next thing, and a certain relief that some very difficult circumstances have been put aside for the moment. It could be that I will be returning to a different set of difficulties but that's life right? At least I'll have a toilet and hot water.

Life just changes in the blink of an eye, and the pursuit of happiness...well isn't that a golden ring we are all reaching for? And as I look back in summary I think the mistake is looking for it in the destination rather than enjoying the ride for what it is. Sometimes it's a cruise aross your homeland, with your favorite cd playing; sometimes it's a bumpy ass bus ride through the uncharted regions of a foreign country. But ultimatly it's who you are inside and how willing you are to laugh in the face of adversity rather than giving in to it. The weather will always change.

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time...

For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." - Lester Burnam (American Beauty)

After I wrote the former post I went and watched American Beauty. I love how good films can make you think and either alter your mood or enhance a vibe you are already feeling. I left my home and went out to eat some noodles and still dwelling on the movie Iexperienced something that has been lacking in life for a while: I simply enjoyed China for what it is instead of wishing I was somewhere else or wishing it was different.

But the thoughts brought up by writing anf watching the film went very well together. There is an amazing beautiful quality in the world, but how often do we aknowledge it as we are caught up in the drama of life? What will matter at the time of death? What will flash before your eyes?

Watch the weather change...

One of the bright moments of being in China right now is that Garchen Rinpoche is here, and he has a wonderful ability to make you feel better. I am so fortunate to have met this Lama even though I stumble and am not a very good practitioner.

I was really happy to see him yesterday since I wasn't having the best day. Like a lot of other things here, getting home is proving to be difficult. Tomorow I'll be on the bus for a day then going up to the Monastery to get my things and then heading back so I can make my flights to get back home.

It's really a strange time right now...on the one hand I have to accept the circumstances for what they are and aknowledge the way I feel. On the other hand is some fear...fear that I may never be able to come back or that I will end up getting stuck in some mediocre desk job in the states. As I have said before I have a tendency to treat life as an all of nothing battle and not think to far ahead, but when I sit back and look again I can see that the world is filled with possibilities and that I don't know what the future will bring. Most importantly if I'm not happy then there is something fundamentaly wrong. Like if you start adding and you use the wrong figure in your first equation...the rest of your results are going to come out incorrect.

But boy did it make me feel better to see Rinpoche. Some of you know, and some of you know by proxy of your own Lamas and some of you just see a cute older tibetan man in a skirt but there is a completly magical quality about him that is hard to put into words. Although my eyes are clouded by the dust of the world and I can not claim to see him for who he truly is, this is a Buddha walking among us and even if you don't go in for this sort of thing is probably one of the sweetest kindest people you could ever have the pleasure of meeting.

I pray that I can live up to his example and the simple things that he asks of his disiples: study the 37 Bodhisattva Practices (which contains all the teachings of the Buddha in a handy 37 verse booklet)http://www.garchen.net/resources/37practices.pdf and APPLY them in your life, develop Bodhichitta and treat all beings as your own kind mother.

And there are some days lately where it seems like a miracle if I can make it through the day. I'm interested to see whether this will get better or worse once I get home, but somehow I think it will get better. As Ferris Bueller once said "Life moves pretty fast...if you don't stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

Things are tough all over...

For those who haven't noticed, I like to use the titles of songs as my post titles. So while the title did come to mind, I feel a bit better than it suggests.

Honestly this has been a rough week, but one of the awesome things is how I've chosen to deal with it and the words of those I love that have echoed in my mind giving me strength.

My plans took a major detour this week when I found out that I would need more study before getting accepted into the Translator's program that I have had my heart set on and been planning for since I left the States. It felt like a kick in the stomach, and part of the frustration was that I have done everything that I am supost to do. I came, I'm studying, I'm taking direction. How many people do you know that would fly halfway around the world on the advice of another?

So long story short I have decided to come back to America in the fall and regroup for another trip to Asia in 2007...but who can really plan this far ahead? It's what I want to do but there are so many variables that I will have to take it one day at a time. It's funny how those 2 things correlate isn't it? You are supost to stay in the moment, live one day at a time but we all make plans, have dreams, and cross bridges before we arrive at them.

I am grateful for those around me, giving me support...the ones I have reached out to as I stumbled and also the good advice that echoed in my head. Things like "Everyone goes through difficulties, but we are measured by how we deal with them." and "Difficulties are the ornaments of a practitioner." Hell my Mom reading Pema Chodron....the blessings and wisdom are right in front of my face even in a dark hour.

And everything changes so quickly...the frustration already fades into the distance. Acceptance of the situation takes over. Is this what they mean by taking it one day at a time? And you know what? There's a part of me that is overjoyed to come back to America, to see the people I love and not be some outcast, a perpetual stranger. I get to see my family and be with the woman I love. Could be a lot worse. But what I have to remind myself of is to not give up, I have a dream that will be realized...just because there is a detour on the road doesn't mean I can't reach the destination.

Speaking of one day at a time today is the 2 year anniversery of my sobriety, and this is one of those things that makes me look at what I am going through differently and not freak. I had a random memory flash across my mind earlier, of a time when I was using and living with a girl that I was too screwed up to let go of and suddenly I saw how far I have come and how much has changed. I remembered my own words that have faded into the challenges that I have faced in my sojourn: tall boasts of life being an adventure, the invincibility that you feel when everything is going your way. And it made me laugh because nothing has changed, but for a moment I forgot that life is an adventure, forgot my own philosophy that nothing worthwhile in life comes without hard work, difficulty, and sacrifice. I remembered that you need the sour to appreciate the sweet and that if I spouted off about doing well when everything was going swell and then turned tail when the clouds appeared that I am a hypocrite. And that's not what my life is about, it's more like fall down ten times get up eleven.

It all comes back around you know, all the things I'm learning. To remember your blessings instead of the bad day you're having, the gratitude of knowing that NONE of this would be possible without sobriety and my spiritual life. And my simple determination to accomplish what I have set my mind to. And then I visited a friend's web page where she had written about having difficulties with change and with life and I had to smile again. I like to say that knowing this simple fact can save you alot of money on shrinks..that we all feel this way and things are tough all over. And what more can I do but offer some kind words and support? They say you can boil all of Buddhism into two things: compassion and wisdom, but that without the love wisdom will never grow. So compassion for others, but also for myself. And I can only hope that as I get older, some wisdom is growing, slowly but surely.

Life Sucks, but enjoy the ride

This has been a crazy week. There is the obvious..the trip to Thailand, travelling, being in a new place, getting things done. But there has been a lot of internal dialogue going on in my head as well.

This is not the easiest time for me, it's one of those rocky patches we all go through. Thoughts of home, or at least going back to the solitute of the Monastery have been running through my mind and I just feel a little irked and irritated about things I have already wrote about on here.

But on the flip side of that, when I calm down enough to think about it, are some very simple truths which I have a tendency to forget over and over again. When this guy a few thousand years ago woke up and became "the Buddha" he was asked to teach. And the first thing that came out of his mouth was "Life sucks." It's full of heartache, sickness, sorrow, pain and death just to name a few.

To continue and paraphrase he said "Life sucks, don't be attached to it. There's an end to that, achieved by correct living and not getting attached to life." And that was enough for those 5 disciples who heard this to awaken... just that!! The whole cannon of Theraveda Buddhism (which is practiced in Thailand, Burma, etc.) is based on this profound teaching.

And when better to remember all this on a trip to Thailand, in the midst of a lot of frustration and anxiety. Yes because non attachment doesnt just mean you go live in a cave with no possesions (well you might do that but you might also be sitting in a cave thinking about a large pepperoni pizza and watching Monday Night Football). No it also means not getting upset when you don't get what you want, or when you get what you don't want. And I experienced alot of that in the last week.

So really in the aftermath I am very grateful for going through those (small) hardships in Thailand because it gave me a chance to practice patience and compassion, and when that failed because of my own shortcomings it was a potent reminder of that foundation on which the Dharma is based...Life sucks.

I think it's human nature to have to learn this way sometimes...we are better at learning from mistakes than we are at just learning. And that's the irony of the human condition, as well as Buddhism. There is a story often cited in different versions of a beggar sleeping on gold that he's too blind to see. There is also one of my favorite books The Alchemist which has a similar twist, a boy searching all over the world and going through a lot of experiences both good and bad only to discover the treasure he was looking for was right under his nose the whole time.

And that's the rub right? One of those elusive little secrets, that you should forget the destination and pay attention to the journey.

A Healthy Selection of my Pictures from Thailand

Here is a random selection of the Thailand pics. It is a limited selection for a few reasons.

First, alot of the pictures need to be rotated, second there are many pictures so I'll figure out what else to put up.

Most of the pictures I took are at the temples I visited, although I did do a few little experiments with a long exposure and traffic and the movement of people and the lady begging with her child (that I really like).

Anyway they really are random, I didn't want a play by play type of entry.
The first picture is at the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. It is probably the number one tourist attraction in Bangkok and one of the holiest sites for Buddhism in Thailand. The architecture was really breathtaking, and you get lost in this world that really seems like you've gone back in time. The place is so beautiful and massive on such a grand scale, and it makes you wonder about the time when this really was just a temple and not filled with tourists.
The next few pictures are from the same temple, as well as the last 2 at the bottom.


I took this at a temple close to my hotel room. It was a nice quiet place to go hang out and think a little.
The main feature of this temple was the enormous Buddha made of gold.


Wat Pho, otherwise known as the Temple of the Reclining Buddha...keep looking and tell me if you can tell which one he is.



The Emerald Temple from a distance.








This was another one of those places that was larger than life (no pun intended). Really just aweinspiring.


I was reading Elizabeth's blog the other day and I started laughing when I saw her picture melding old and new, since that was what I was trying to do in this picture too.
Another experiment that I realy like.



Too ironic to pass up.

The ancient Thai people seem fond of building REALLY big Buddhas.


And that's a good start I think. I'll finish with a few things I learned while I was there:

1. In Thailand McDonalds you can buy Jack in the Box curly fries

2. When you get bored in Thailand play "Guess who's the Trannie?" Bonus points for the "Post-Op-Adam's Apple-Removed" gals

3. Thailand's traffic makes me want to move back to L.A.

4. Although pornography is illegal in Bangkok, you can walk down practically any street and get a massage with a happy ending (at the very least)

5. If you go to the movies on Thailand you stand respectfully while they show footage of the King. For long enough to say the Pledge of Allegiance and sing the National Anthem.

A few words about Thailand

This post might come off sounding a little negative, but don't worry it's just me venting my frustrations. It's one of those situations where I know what I need to do to handle it, but it doesn't quite stop it from being frustrating. Anyway that's my disclaimer

There have been some things that have happened on this trip to Thailand that have taken away from my enjoyment of the country, experience, and general relaxation of a vacation. But first I will write about the good things.

The Bumrumgrad Hospital was top notch. It completely surpasses the average American medical system in every way. Now maybe there are some elite US hospitals, but how would I know what those are like? I'm no Bill Gates so I'm stuck on some HMO plan, waiting for a month to see a specialist plan.

The hospital here is more like a hotel. It was a pleasure to go there. Anything you need they have for instance a Visa Extension desk In case you need to stay longer. The 2nd day I went for an eye doctor appointment and after the nurse had taken care of the preliminary checkups they gave me a coupon for a free coffee or food at the McDonald's because the doctor was going to be busy for a while.

And there is a food court in the hospital. Starbucks and everything.

The place was also very efficient. There is a desk you can go register with at the beginning and they will give you an ID card and enter all of your information into a computer so that you don't have to fill out forms in each individual office you visit. Instead of going through all that BS you usually go through when you enter (Hello! Please fill out these 10 forms) I just handed them my card and they printed it out. The form even has my picture so they know who I am and don't have to worry about mangling my name trying to find me.

I was also impressed by the payment system. You take your number to the cashier on the floor, there are about 20 stations in the cashier's desk and within 10 minutes they pull your prescription and you can pay all at once. There is a sign that says if you wait more than 15 minutes please let us know.

The doctors were great. Quick and knowledgeable. The eye doctor I saw was a Lasik specialist as well, but more about that later.

I have also enjoyed the food. For me, living in a place where the restaurants serve Chinese, Chinese, and Tibetan (when I can get to a restaurant) it is wonderful to be able to get good pizza or Mexican food.

The temples I visited are also very beautiful and I can't wait to share some of my pictures with you.

And now to the negative:

The eye doctor told me something that no one else has ever felt relevant to tell me: that Lasik is not a good idea for me because the prescription I have been using for several years is actually severely overcorrecting my eyesight. What this means is that my eyes have been weakened a lot over time by having glasses that are too strong; in short they have gotten really lazy. So now if I want to change them I have to retrain my eyes by dropping my prescription down slowly over time, or I can wait until I'm old and my eyes have deteriorated to the point of the prescription I'm using now. To be told that my eyes are more screwed up than they should be because of some incompetent doctors is not the greatest news to receive.

Second the unscrupulous taxi drivers. I have been a little ticked since one decided to lie outright and charge me 100% more than what he had quoted me at the beginning of the trip. And before you ask, there is no way that I would hear 20 as 200, let alone the fact that that is a high fare for anywhere in the city. The whack thing is I decided the best thing was to pay the guy and walk away since I am in a foreign country where I don't speak the language.

Also everyone and their mother will walk up to you and try to overcharge you into their cabs. Even people in their shops will come out and try to talk you into coming inside. Hey if I need a suit, I'll come inside. Do they think I'm going to be walking to a temple and some guys says "Hey buddy you need a suit?" "You know, now that you mention it I do need a suit!!" And I'm not blind, I can see each and every taxi, if I need one I know where to look.

To continue about the taxi drivers they are hawks. The best are the guys that sit in front of the hotels and try to charge 4xs the price am accustomed to bargaining and paying a bit more for things since I am a foreigner in Asia but these people just take it to a new level. It's come to the point of frustration where I just get out or walk away rather than trying to bargain with them..

Which brings me to my point, that I believe is a shared experience by many travelers like me. That you don't experience one earthshattering event that flips you, it's more like 100 little things chipping away at you until you snap. Believe me I'm not the only one. I remember telling this to a friend when he had been in China for 1 day. He laughed and told me I was being melodramatic. I saw him a month later and he had the same look on his face and told me I was 100% right.

Anyway that's my rant. I feel better now just getting it off my chest. That's life you know...not always the ideal situation. But at least I can have a latte, it's the little things that make it worth the trip.

Random Camera Phone Pics Part 2 -Thailand

Welcome to part 2.

This picture just cracks me up, old Ronald giving the traditional Thai Namaste greeting. The real irony is that the people pride themselves on never being colonized. I'll leave it at that.



My favorite place in Bangkok...the 8 story MBK Center mall.

And kids doing some strange random dance in said mall.








I took some random pics waiting for the sky train yesterday