"Saturday, September 24, 2005 Ode to Los Angeles

I am a person who believes in some higher power, some source of energy that exists in our world which we can draw anything we want from it. I do not concern myself with the ridiculous notion of picking a God. I don't care if you call your energy source Buddha, Jesus, Shawn Maldonado, Goddess, or Kobe Bryant.

I think it's shallow to believe that there is one correct choice and that if you don't choose correctly then you are doomed. I believe in the human spirit and the reality of a spiritual path. There is no good or evil, there are only paths which we choose and paths that some of us are forced to walk down. Over time we become more aware of where each potential path will take us but never reach absolute certainty. The experience and the gifts that we receive along the way come from the journey and have little to do with the destination. Be in the here and now and love those who are close to you because love can conquer all things in the realm of negativity.

My path today is taking me from a place and a job that I love and have very serious and passionate ties with. I am moving this weekend from The City of Angels to Sin City. The undeniable truth about this sort of thing is that no matter how much I love people or L.A., where ever I go - there I am. Nothing will really change. My surroundings will look and feel different and the people in my life will look and feel different. But nothing is truly different at all because I am still Dustin- Mind, Body, and Spirit.

Life is what you make of it. It really is! We all have free will to act on an uncountable number of impulses, ideas, and thoughts. We as humans let one thing hold us back from realizing our potential and living our dreams. FEAR. Most of us would rather walk around this planet believing all the lies that we hear from others that love to spread the fear. Don't believe that people don't change. Don't believe that you can't change. Don't believe that things will always be the same. If you believe the lies then you are destined to fulfill your self made prophecies.

As for loving people, Love Hurts. People make mistakes and hurt each other. It's pretty simple. The more you love someone the easier it is to be hurt by them or to hurt them. When people don't realize this they end up ending beautiful relationships over microscopic mistakes. All of the relationships in my life are so full of upside that when someone hurts me I feel my feelings and then move forward. From the hurt comes growth between the hurter and the hurtee if you choose to communicate about these things that we do to each other.

There was an Indian chief and an Indian warrior sitting together in front of the fire one night. The warrior said to the chief "Oh wise chief I feel like there are two dogs inside of me and they are constantly fighting each other." "One dog is good and the other is evil." The chief looked at the warrior and asked "what is the problem?" The warrior said "How do I know which dog is going to win the fight?" The chief looked at the warrior and said "that is simple young one, the dog that will win is the one that you feed the most"

So, feed your spirit and don't be discouraged by the bad dog. There is one in all of us and it doesn't go away. The fights just become shorter and less violent."

From time to time I really feel what people are saying, and their thoughts echo my own, or perhaps intensity my own point by acting as a catalyst for some fresh reflection and a new perspective. Here I am plaugerizing a very wise person in my life. One who I feel shows by example the very things that he talked about, and one of the main forces that I believe in, the law of cause and effect.

I am so blessed to have people of light on the path to help me. They come from all sides, in unexpected ways. A kind word or a smile, a hug from my Mom, my Dean coming in with a steaming cup of jasmine tea, these heros exist everywhere if you just look around and let them in. One thing that has come up in several conversations in the last week with different people is running into old friends or old situations...old environments. It's funny, maybe tragic because it is situations like these that make you realize that you have grown and changed and really reflects what you want in life and how you have moved on. It's also kind of sad, because usually the people that you meet haven't changed...they are doing the same things as the last time you saw them. Sometimes they want to know the secret...like I possess some sort of key to the universal path. It's unfathomable that you could actually make changes in your life...it's easier for them to talk or dream about it without putting in the work.

Perhaps from their perspective it does look like magic, but really that's a load of crap. I laugh in the face of anyone who says my life is easy because I believe in change, or that I am some sort of tranquil Kung Fu cliche sitting on a rock near a brook contemplating the sound of one hand clapping.

Garchen Rinpoche said in a teaching that it is impossible to change your current behavior because it is conditioned by the past. What is absolutly possible is changing your future actions by altering your behavior now. While this may seem like a paradox, it is really a profound bit of wisdom if you think about it. So how to change? Simple Cause and Effect (some call it karma but you don't need to) Put one foot in front of the other. One drop of water at a time fills the bucket.

So to borrow an analogy I'm trying to feed the good dog. Ricky told me it's ok to take small steps, but I'm a little foolish. I tend to be a little extreme...why dip your toe in to test the water when you can dive in the deep end? I was walking over here, and I was thinking "Why?" Why am I doing this? And it wasn't that I was doubting or second guessing myself, I just wanted to check in and make sure I am grounded...because I am taking some big steps right now.

So I said "Why?" and I immediatly said to myself..."well do you believe you can change?" and even more as a continuation of thought, "do you believe in liberation?" which are both silly questions to me because the answer to both is yes. But the human mind is so scared of change...it's so much easier to stay complacent right? And one of my flaws is that I am scared of success...so sometimes I have to remind myself that anything is possible if I do the work. Or as Vanessa put it "it's ok when you listen to your heart and soul...when you listen to your head you get confused."

But I guess we all have doubts and fears, some people just listen more than others. I think it's important to have dreams, and more importantly not be afraid to follow them. To accept the difficulties that come along with the rewards, and to put one foot in front of the other.

Thanks to all those in my life who help me, and thanks for just being there.