Thanks for the people still reading this. I havent had a lot to share recently, going through changes, lack of computer etc.

Also this blog was started as a travel log and I'm not doing any geographical travelling at them moment so it seems a little weird. I'm debating whether to post some writing that was done during the tibetan period and start a new blog or keep going with this one.

What do you think?

I do laugh when I see that people are still reading this. Not that I'm laughing at you...it's just my ego swelling in an unnecesary way. I do think it's interesting that people seem to have such an idea about what I should be doing with my life, regardless of how much they know about it. I guess it's an american attitude...most of us judge celebrities based on what we know or speculate about them. Now I'm not saying that I 'm a celebrity, but I have volunteered a certain amount of infromation about my life that people have formed opinions about. And usually I'm not like that. Sure I have minor opinions when I really think someone is underachieving or going down the wrong path, but generally I am happy to let people live their lives without much advise from my part.

Maybe it's because some people looked at what I was doing and got to experience a little bit of freedom vicariously. Wow I sound like an asshole writing something like that. Maybe it's my problem...that I am somewhat suseptible to what people think about me. But I thought back on some of the opinions that people have expressed lately and just shook my head because there is a whole other story going on. I like what Ricky had to say "we'll support you no matter what you decide". I don't want to step on anybodies toes either. I am not reacting any one person or comment and most of the things I have in mind have been said away from this blog, so please I'm not trying to hurt your feelings.

One thing that is really interesting to sit with right now is the possibility that I am wrong, and that I am going to fail. There is alot of doubt and trust in staying in the moment, even though there is a part of me who wants to bolt sometimes. And I'm trying to practice that wisdom of acceptance rather than my projections of what I would rather see happening. It's not easy. Maybe that's why I stopped playing baseball as a kid. When I was a kid I LOVED baseball. Ask my parents and relatives, I LIVED for the Dodgers. I loved going to Dodger stadium, I loved watching the games on TV and hearing Vin Scully, and I loved pretending that I was a Dodger. And then I got old enought to play little league and mot only was I not a good player, but I eneded up on a shitty team. And I gave up on it. I had one last place season and that was it. But life isn't that easy right? You've got to walk through the rough times the same as the good ones.

And maybe I am better off or I have learned something. Because even when I am having difficulties, I am still clean and sober and I don't see that changing. And being able to sit and experience the wide range of human emotions is certainly better than giving in to addiction.

It's funny, ever since I read Elizabeth's comment about my "dark" blog I have tried not to be so dark...but it is just what comes out. It makes me laugh because if you know me you know I like to laugh, but the blog is what it is. And I can't JUST complain or say the glass is half empty...I have to aknowledge that I know it's just my own opinion and that someone else might see it as half full.

An old saying of wisdom is only a fool thinks he knows everything, but the wise man knows he doesn't have a clue. And I'm not saying I am wise but I am certainly not a fool (at least not according to that definition)

Yeah

Funny I was just reading Elizabeth's blog and laughing a bit where she said she always found my blog a bit dark and negative. I 've got nothing to say to that...it's pretty truthful. I think it's partially my worldview, I am a "glass half empty" type; but it's also just what happened. Yes I am happy to share things about my travels, but I also need to vent sometimes. Don't feel too special, I write in my private journals in the same style.

So much has happened since I last wrote, and I don't want to write a log of events that have occurred in the last month or two. It's enough to say that life has (and will continue) to change ALOT and that I just need time to process some of it.

And as stupid as this sounds for someone writing a blog, a piece of public property, alot of what's happening is kind of private, and so it's difficult for me to open my mouth and shout to the world the way I did before. The circumstances have changed. Does this mean that I don't have anything more to say? No! But I find what I enjoy writing about are my own feelings and observations to things happening in my life...it's what this blog has been about and some of that stuff right now...well I don't know how to report on it.

We all go through different stages and they fade into one another. I just accept it as it comes and try to stay optimistic. I may have an opportunity to go to India after all this summer and that would be really cool. At the same time I am left with a lot of uncertainty and doubt about where my life is going. I know everyone has an opinion, and an idea about what I should be doing...but that doesn't mean they really have a clue as to what is going on in my head.

As a person with a huge ego and a lot of pride, I am learning many lessons right now. Staying humble, moving forward even if it's just one small step at a time. And remembering that this to shall pass. And I know it will.

On Hiatus

Sorry to te folks that read this blog...obviously I haven't been doing much writing lately but life changes and you have to change with it. It's not so easy without a computer in the house, running around to different parts of the country and seeing different people.

So for the moment I am on hiatus...check back in soon I'll have something for you

cheers

In all its subtlety and complexity, life is just a beautiful mystery. I guess it comes down to how you look at it. Like at the end of the movie Dogma when God is asked what the meaning of life is ..she just smiles and tweaks the nose of the questioner. And are you really going to get any more profound than that?

Well I guess you could...depending on your spiritual outlook, but don't we have the tendency to overanalyze, to make things a lot more complicated than they really are? The mystery...could it come down to that old saying in 2 statements:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff...
2. Everything is the small stuff.

Seriously, how difficult is that to follow?

Things are understandably different and strange right now. I don't feel culture shock as much as feel the vastness of the world weighing down on me. Not that I feel lost, just appreciative of the vastness and the variety of life. When I was on my way to the airport to leave China I met a gentleman from France. He asked me what I was doing in China and I related my story briefly to him. Although he was about twice my age he had a look like he completely understood, and smiled appreciatively as I shared some of my dreams with him. He told me that now would be the most difficult part of my journey because I would no longer be an American in Tibet, a man on a mission, I would be just another person back in my culture and country...that I would be returning to all those things that I had left behind: society, politics, relationships and family. He shared with me that he had done something similar when he was my age...he had gone and lived in Egypt, but that those days were long over...now he was visiting China on business and was finally going home to see his 2 kids and wife.

While I completely understood what he said, I didn't agree with him. Of course one never knows what life holds for them, but this is not an extended vacation that I have returned from; it is a faintly outlined road to journey upon in life. Is it the only road? No, and it's not the easiest road either, but I know I cannot go back to that person I was before. sitting at a desk, bullshitting at a water cooler talking about what I did last weekend or looking forward to what I was going to do this weekend. The trick now is to figure out exactly HOW I will accomplish the goals that I have.

Anyway right now I am busy relaxing and getting ready to go to Los Angeles and researching NPO's (my next project is starting one...I'll let you know).

And here are some pictures of what I have been up to recently:

Some folks I love dearly and I
and my new tattoo, done by a fellow practitioner and a real cool guy http://www.lovehatetattoo.com/main.html go to artists "aiden"

The dukkha (suffering) of the drug problem.

I wrote this when I was working my steps about a year and a half ago. Today I was reading something that a friend had posted and it reminded me of this. Enjoy:

The dukkha (suffering) of the drug problem.

The problem is not drugs.I believe in this case the use of the word problem is deceptive. It implies something that can be fixed via remedy. Therefore if there is a drug problem this should be remedied by application of an antidote. Instead of a drug problem, I think of it more of a drug solution.

We used drugs as a solution to a more sinister underlying problem, just as some people use sugar, sex, television or a number of other solutions to attempt to remedy the bare fact that they can not sit still comfortably in their own skin.

If we had a drug problem, then quitting the drug should bring a solution, but as we know this is not the case. The reality of this is not something that can be easily shown conceptually, it is something thatis experienced directly and can be very overwhelming.

This is where the concepts of the first step, of unmanageability come into play with the first and second Noble Truths of Siddhartha Gautama, the historical Buddha Shakyamuni. We must look deeply and honestly at our selves and see how mistaken we are at this present moment in time. We have not been willing to look at the real problem, ourselves. Instead of standing firm and facing the great pain we continuously feel when we slow down and look deeply,we continuously make the problem worse by utilizing methods that only help to keep us in bondage. It is like we suddenly find our selves in a deep hole and instead of attempting to climb out, we decide we could possibly keep digging and come out on the other side. Again, this is not something that is easily conveyed except by a direct and personal experience. We must have a direct realization that through our past unskillful actions we have created an unending stream of suffering for ourselves by looking to an outer refuge to remedy the bare fact that we are not happy. This is the real problem, as explained in the 12 step program as well as by the Buddha.

The first noble truth of the Buddha is that dukkha,(suffering) is inherent to existence. We are born, we get sick, and we die. All these bring suffering. We suffer because we are affected by greed, desire, aversion and the negative mental states and emotions. We are affected by the suffering of karma, by the actions of ourselves and those around us. The biggest cause of suffering is our ignorance, which does not see this whole process, and which continues to look outwards for a solution to a problem that it does not really grasp. Dukkha of course is much vaster and more complex then explained briefly here for the purposes of this paper.

The second noble truth, is that the suffering we are all experiencing is caused by this fundamental ignorance, that we are continuously grasping at a solution for a problem we do not really understand. In this case that we have an extreme aversion to dealing with ourselves and that we have attempted to deal with this by staying in a numb state where we do not have to really look in the mirror.

It is like we are standing on the beach with our back to the water, looking for the ocean. The dharma, as explained by the Zen master Bodhidharma, is like the finger pointing to the moon. The finger is not the moon, yet the finger is necessary for without it, the moon could go unfound forever.

The good news is there is a solution, both in the 12steps and in message of the Buddha. But in order to see it we must look deeply and honestly to see that our lives are unmanageable due to our unskillfulactions, by our inability to see the real problem. We must admit that our solution never solved anything,that in reality we were only creating more dukkha for ourselves. We have an infinite number of unskillfulways to deal with our problem, but at the root there is only one cause. We must admit to ourselves that the hole we have been digging has no escape, that we must put down the shovel and start climbing out. On a more subtle level we must realize that we can give upone problem like drugs and pick up another, such assugar or sexual gratification. We can also put down the shovel and sit where we are, but this will not get us out of the hole. We have to realize that the real underlying problem is me, the way I feel not the way I chose to deal with these feelings. The drugs we took in attempting to remedy the problem are a symptom of our real problem. To put it in dharmic terms the finger is pointing at the moon, it is not the moon itself. It is amazing to think that our unskillful use of drugs has brought us to a place where we can fix the real problem which we have not been able to see before. We have used a very unorthodox method of realization, but now we have the opportunity to turn it around.These are the first two noble truths of the Buddha.

The third is accepting that there is a solution to our problem, that we can reach a point of cessation. This brings us to the 4th truth, the path which leads to cessation. But both systems (12 step program, and Buddhism) are founded on an honest surrender, a realization that can only come internally. That our lives have become unmanageable, that they are made o fdukkha is easily understood intellectually but this is incorrect. It is what Venerable Chogyam Trungpa called spiritual materialism because we will not really surrender instead our ego will manipulate what we read or try to figure out into a way where it survives. We will look spiritual on the outside, but it will be a hollow shell still tormented within. It is easy to see the suffering of others and think of unmanageability as conceptual, but until we look deeply and see it within ourselves it continues as an intellectual conception. Instead we must be honest and see our misplaced search for happiness and where the real problem is, and then we can begin to get down to dealing with it.

This is directly addressed in both Buddhism and the 12step program; that in order to recover we must look skillfully, see the real problem and surrender. We must hit bottom of a never-ending hole, we must admit the reality of dukkha and the inevitability of karma. However until we actually surrender it is completely possible to be in the program and to practice Buddhism under the grasp of spiritual materialism, because at the root of both paths lies the admission that the real problem is ourselves and our unskillfulness in finding a real solution. That the fundamenta lignorance (our ego) has manipulated us for too long, and that we haven't gotten anywhere by following it.

As spiritual practitioners we must welcome this challenge to face ourselves because our honesty shows us that indeed we are on the real path to recovery, if we are willing to continuously do the work necessary. Then when we have climbed out of our hole we can stand and look at it from the outside, and with eyes wide open walk the other way and leave our hole behind forever.

I have used we in this paper merely as it is the way it spilled out of my head, however these represent my own thoughts and I am in no way attempting to push them on any other person, nor insinuate that I am right or that I know anything about anyone besides myself.

The Lantern Festival

I had forgotten about posting these, but remembered since I'm leaving that I had some extra China pics lying around waiting to be uploaded. I took these during the Lantern Festival, which is the culmination of the 2 week Lunar New Year celebration (also known in these parts as the Spring Festival).

Chinese New Year in itself is not that cool...mostly it's just constantly hearing firecrackers for 2 weeks, getting woken up by them etc. The funny thing is that you see unsupervised children setting off firecrackers and fireworks constantly.

But the Lantern Festival is awesome. They line the streets with lanterns and shut down traffic and EVERYONE comes out to look at the lanterns, watch fireworks, touch the lions and dragons for good luck

and jump over bonfires to get rid of the bad things from the previous year (I have pics of these too that haven't been uploaded.)

The city gets this cool quasi rave meets marti gras vibe, everyone out cruising around enjoying themselves...good times.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (not in that order)

In the imaginary system I have set up for myself in my head, I am rounding third headed for home and 3 out of the 4 legs are done with. I have a feeling (and I can only hope and pray) that as I head that final 90 feet that the center fielder is still running to catch the ball that has sailed over his head and that I'm not about to get owned at the plate.

But that's the way it is right now. Sure I can try to stay optimistic but it seems as if Murphy's Law is following me around like te Grim Reaper and I won't quit looking over my shoulder until I am down on U.S. soil once again.

On the other hand I think the worst of it is over (famous last words right?) One of the things that I have realized is that China is a very large diverse country. And yes there are the areas that you see or read about that are westernized and modern and sparkeling new...well I don't live anywhere near there. If you saw and experienced where I live you would probably think you were in another country (think about that one for a minute...)

In order to get from the nearest city (Xining) out to the Monastery to collect my things I had to take a 24 hour sleeper bus ride. Now they call it a sleeper bus but I never do any sleeping on it. There are many possible reasons for this. It could be the unpaved and uneven terrain you are travelling over 90% of the time. It could be that 90% of the people on the bus are smoking throughout ost of the trip. But the obvious reaon would be that 90% of the people in China are smaller than I am and the seats on the bus are designed with them in mind. Imagine lying down with your knees bent unable to stretch for about 24 hours. Then also you have to hop out and go to the bathroom when the herd decides it's time and I am not quite inclined to that.

Basically you haven't lived until you have had the experience...and when you think about round or multiple trips ...look out! Now I know I'm kind of bitching again but it's not easy. And yeah whatever everyone has problems. I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's my forum and I'll cry if I want to.

Now to flip the mirror around: I am really looking forward to coming home. The Last 9 months have been full of amazing experiences but I am ready for a break. Ready to see all of my loved ones and those who have given me support from the other side of the planet. A couple of people will be getting married, I get to visit a new state, and I get to repeat something I found quite enjoyable: driving across the country. And the best part of that is the end of the road the love of my life will be waiting for me.

Here's looking forward to double doubles and sushi that tastes the way it should. To being in a land where I am not luwai, tsijah, farong, or open to stares and discrimination. To sharing the things that slip my mind when I am writing this page (really how can you fit your whole life into a few words???) To seeing my Grandfather, my parents and friends.

This is an amazing time for me. It is a time that goes to show a universal truth: that no matter how strong your illusion...there is merely the illusion of control, and that you never know where life will take you if you are open and willing to accept that powerlessness and embrace it. Rather than coming back with a broken spirit I have high hopes and expectations for the next thing, and a certain relief that some very difficult circumstances have been put aside for the moment. It could be that I will be returning to a different set of difficulties but that's life right? At least I'll have a toilet and hot water.

Life just changes in the blink of an eye, and the pursuit of happiness...well isn't that a golden ring we are all reaching for? And as I look back in summary I think the mistake is looking for it in the destination rather than enjoying the ride for what it is. Sometimes it's a cruise aross your homeland, with your favorite cd playing; sometimes it's a bumpy ass bus ride through the uncharted regions of a foreign country. But ultimatly it's who you are inside and how willing you are to laugh in the face of adversity rather than giving in to it. The weather will always change.

"I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time...

For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday." - Lester Burnam (American Beauty)

After I wrote the former post I went and watched American Beauty. I love how good films can make you think and either alter your mood or enhance a vibe you are already feeling. I left my home and went out to eat some noodles and still dwelling on the movie Iexperienced something that has been lacking in life for a while: I simply enjoyed China for what it is instead of wishing I was somewhere else or wishing it was different.

But the thoughts brought up by writing anf watching the film went very well together. There is an amazing beautiful quality in the world, but how often do we aknowledge it as we are caught up in the drama of life? What will matter at the time of death? What will flash before your eyes?

Watch the weather change...

One of the bright moments of being in China right now is that Garchen Rinpoche is here, and he has a wonderful ability to make you feel better. I am so fortunate to have met this Lama even though I stumble and am not a very good practitioner.

I was really happy to see him yesterday since I wasn't having the best day. Like a lot of other things here, getting home is proving to be difficult. Tomorow I'll be on the bus for a day then going up to the Monastery to get my things and then heading back so I can make my flights to get back home.

It's really a strange time right now...on the one hand I have to accept the circumstances for what they are and aknowledge the way I feel. On the other hand is some fear...fear that I may never be able to come back or that I will end up getting stuck in some mediocre desk job in the states. As I have said before I have a tendency to treat life as an all of nothing battle and not think to far ahead, but when I sit back and look again I can see that the world is filled with possibilities and that I don't know what the future will bring. Most importantly if I'm not happy then there is something fundamentaly wrong. Like if you start adding and you use the wrong figure in your first equation...the rest of your results are going to come out incorrect.

But boy did it make me feel better to see Rinpoche. Some of you know, and some of you know by proxy of your own Lamas and some of you just see a cute older tibetan man in a skirt but there is a completly magical quality about him that is hard to put into words. Although my eyes are clouded by the dust of the world and I can not claim to see him for who he truly is, this is a Buddha walking among us and even if you don't go in for this sort of thing is probably one of the sweetest kindest people you could ever have the pleasure of meeting.

I pray that I can live up to his example and the simple things that he asks of his disiples: study the 37 Bodhisattva Practices (which contains all the teachings of the Buddha in a handy 37 verse booklet)http://www.garchen.net/resources/37practices.pdf and APPLY them in your life, develop Bodhichitta and treat all beings as your own kind mother.

And there are some days lately where it seems like a miracle if I can make it through the day. I'm interested to see whether this will get better or worse once I get home, but somehow I think it will get better. As Ferris Bueller once said "Life moves pretty fast...if you don't stop and look around once in a while you might miss it."

Things are tough all over...

For those who haven't noticed, I like to use the titles of songs as my post titles. So while the title did come to mind, I feel a bit better than it suggests.

Honestly this has been a rough week, but one of the awesome things is how I've chosen to deal with it and the words of those I love that have echoed in my mind giving me strength.

My plans took a major detour this week when I found out that I would need more study before getting accepted into the Translator's program that I have had my heart set on and been planning for since I left the States. It felt like a kick in the stomach, and part of the frustration was that I have done everything that I am supost to do. I came, I'm studying, I'm taking direction. How many people do you know that would fly halfway around the world on the advice of another?

So long story short I have decided to come back to America in the fall and regroup for another trip to Asia in 2007...but who can really plan this far ahead? It's what I want to do but there are so many variables that I will have to take it one day at a time. It's funny how those 2 things correlate isn't it? You are supost to stay in the moment, live one day at a time but we all make plans, have dreams, and cross bridges before we arrive at them.

I am grateful for those around me, giving me support...the ones I have reached out to as I stumbled and also the good advice that echoed in my head. Things like "Everyone goes through difficulties, but we are measured by how we deal with them." and "Difficulties are the ornaments of a practitioner." Hell my Mom reading Pema Chodron....the blessings and wisdom are right in front of my face even in a dark hour.

And everything changes so quickly...the frustration already fades into the distance. Acceptance of the situation takes over. Is this what they mean by taking it one day at a time? And you know what? There's a part of me that is overjoyed to come back to America, to see the people I love and not be some outcast, a perpetual stranger. I get to see my family and be with the woman I love. Could be a lot worse. But what I have to remind myself of is to not give up, I have a dream that will be realized...just because there is a detour on the road doesn't mean I can't reach the destination.

Speaking of one day at a time today is the 2 year anniversery of my sobriety, and this is one of those things that makes me look at what I am going through differently and not freak. I had a random memory flash across my mind earlier, of a time when I was using and living with a girl that I was too screwed up to let go of and suddenly I saw how far I have come and how much has changed. I remembered my own words that have faded into the challenges that I have faced in my sojourn: tall boasts of life being an adventure, the invincibility that you feel when everything is going your way. And it made me laugh because nothing has changed, but for a moment I forgot that life is an adventure, forgot my own philosophy that nothing worthwhile in life comes without hard work, difficulty, and sacrifice. I remembered that you need the sour to appreciate the sweet and that if I spouted off about doing well when everything was going swell and then turned tail when the clouds appeared that I am a hypocrite. And that's not what my life is about, it's more like fall down ten times get up eleven.

It all comes back around you know, all the things I'm learning. To remember your blessings instead of the bad day you're having, the gratitude of knowing that NONE of this would be possible without sobriety and my spiritual life. And my simple determination to accomplish what I have set my mind to. And then I visited a friend's web page where she had written about having difficulties with change and with life and I had to smile again. I like to say that knowing this simple fact can save you alot of money on shrinks..that we all feel this way and things are tough all over. And what more can I do but offer some kind words and support? They say you can boil all of Buddhism into two things: compassion and wisdom, but that without the love wisdom will never grow. So compassion for others, but also for myself. And I can only hope that as I get older, some wisdom is growing, slowly but surely.

Life Sucks, but enjoy the ride

This has been a crazy week. There is the obvious..the trip to Thailand, travelling, being in a new place, getting things done. But there has been a lot of internal dialogue going on in my head as well.

This is not the easiest time for me, it's one of those rocky patches we all go through. Thoughts of home, or at least going back to the solitute of the Monastery have been running through my mind and I just feel a little irked and irritated about things I have already wrote about on here.

But on the flip side of that, when I calm down enough to think about it, are some very simple truths which I have a tendency to forget over and over again. When this guy a few thousand years ago woke up and became "the Buddha" he was asked to teach. And the first thing that came out of his mouth was "Life sucks." It's full of heartache, sickness, sorrow, pain and death just to name a few.

To continue and paraphrase he said "Life sucks, don't be attached to it. There's an end to that, achieved by correct living and not getting attached to life." And that was enough for those 5 disciples who heard this to awaken... just that!! The whole cannon of Theraveda Buddhism (which is practiced in Thailand, Burma, etc.) is based on this profound teaching.

And when better to remember all this on a trip to Thailand, in the midst of a lot of frustration and anxiety. Yes because non attachment doesnt just mean you go live in a cave with no possesions (well you might do that but you might also be sitting in a cave thinking about a large pepperoni pizza and watching Monday Night Football). No it also means not getting upset when you don't get what you want, or when you get what you don't want. And I experienced alot of that in the last week.

So really in the aftermath I am very grateful for going through those (small) hardships in Thailand because it gave me a chance to practice patience and compassion, and when that failed because of my own shortcomings it was a potent reminder of that foundation on which the Dharma is based...Life sucks.

I think it's human nature to have to learn this way sometimes...we are better at learning from mistakes than we are at just learning. And that's the irony of the human condition, as well as Buddhism. There is a story often cited in different versions of a beggar sleeping on gold that he's too blind to see. There is also one of my favorite books The Alchemist which has a similar twist, a boy searching all over the world and going through a lot of experiences both good and bad only to discover the treasure he was looking for was right under his nose the whole time.

And that's the rub right? One of those elusive little secrets, that you should forget the destination and pay attention to the journey.

A Healthy Selection of my Pictures from Thailand

Here is a random selection of the Thailand pics. It is a limited selection for a few reasons.

First, alot of the pictures need to be rotated, second there are many pictures so I'll figure out what else to put up.

Most of the pictures I took are at the temples I visited, although I did do a few little experiments with a long exposure and traffic and the movement of people and the lady begging with her child (that I really like).

Anyway they really are random, I didn't want a play by play type of entry.
The first picture is at the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. It is probably the number one tourist attraction in Bangkok and one of the holiest sites for Buddhism in Thailand. The architecture was really breathtaking, and you get lost in this world that really seems like you've gone back in time. The place is so beautiful and massive on such a grand scale, and it makes you wonder about the time when this really was just a temple and not filled with tourists.
The next few pictures are from the same temple, as well as the last 2 at the bottom.


I took this at a temple close to my hotel room. It was a nice quiet place to go hang out and think a little.
The main feature of this temple was the enormous Buddha made of gold.


Wat Pho, otherwise known as the Temple of the Reclining Buddha...keep looking and tell me if you can tell which one he is.



The Emerald Temple from a distance.








This was another one of those places that was larger than life (no pun intended). Really just aweinspiring.


I was reading Elizabeth's blog the other day and I started laughing when I saw her picture melding old and new, since that was what I was trying to do in this picture too.
Another experiment that I realy like.



Too ironic to pass up.

The ancient Thai people seem fond of building REALLY big Buddhas.


And that's a good start I think. I'll finish with a few things I learned while I was there:

1. In Thailand McDonalds you can buy Jack in the Box curly fries

2. When you get bored in Thailand play "Guess who's the Trannie?" Bonus points for the "Post-Op-Adam's Apple-Removed" gals

3. Thailand's traffic makes me want to move back to L.A.

4. Although pornography is illegal in Bangkok, you can walk down practically any street and get a massage with a happy ending (at the very least)

5. If you go to the movies on Thailand you stand respectfully while they show footage of the King. For long enough to say the Pledge of Allegiance and sing the National Anthem.

A few words about Thailand

This post might come off sounding a little negative, but don't worry it's just me venting my frustrations. It's one of those situations where I know what I need to do to handle it, but it doesn't quite stop it from being frustrating. Anyway that's my disclaimer

There have been some things that have happened on this trip to Thailand that have taken away from my enjoyment of the country, experience, and general relaxation of a vacation. But first I will write about the good things.

The Bumrumgrad Hospital was top notch. It completely surpasses the average American medical system in every way. Now maybe there are some elite US hospitals, but how would I know what those are like? I'm no Bill Gates so I'm stuck on some HMO plan, waiting for a month to see a specialist plan.

The hospital here is more like a hotel. It was a pleasure to go there. Anything you need they have for instance a Visa Extension desk In case you need to stay longer. The 2nd day I went for an eye doctor appointment and after the nurse had taken care of the preliminary checkups they gave me a coupon for a free coffee or food at the McDonald's because the doctor was going to be busy for a while.

And there is a food court in the hospital. Starbucks and everything.

The place was also very efficient. There is a desk you can go register with at the beginning and they will give you an ID card and enter all of your information into a computer so that you don't have to fill out forms in each individual office you visit. Instead of going through all that BS you usually go through when you enter (Hello! Please fill out these 10 forms) I just handed them my card and they printed it out. The form even has my picture so they know who I am and don't have to worry about mangling my name trying to find me.

I was also impressed by the payment system. You take your number to the cashier on the floor, there are about 20 stations in the cashier's desk and within 10 minutes they pull your prescription and you can pay all at once. There is a sign that says if you wait more than 15 minutes please let us know.

The doctors were great. Quick and knowledgeable. The eye doctor I saw was a Lasik specialist as well, but more about that later.

I have also enjoyed the food. For me, living in a place where the restaurants serve Chinese, Chinese, and Tibetan (when I can get to a restaurant) it is wonderful to be able to get good pizza or Mexican food.

The temples I visited are also very beautiful and I can't wait to share some of my pictures with you.

And now to the negative:

The eye doctor told me something that no one else has ever felt relevant to tell me: that Lasik is not a good idea for me because the prescription I have been using for several years is actually severely overcorrecting my eyesight. What this means is that my eyes have been weakened a lot over time by having glasses that are too strong; in short they have gotten really lazy. So now if I want to change them I have to retrain my eyes by dropping my prescription down slowly over time, or I can wait until I'm old and my eyes have deteriorated to the point of the prescription I'm using now. To be told that my eyes are more screwed up than they should be because of some incompetent doctors is not the greatest news to receive.

Second the unscrupulous taxi drivers. I have been a little ticked since one decided to lie outright and charge me 100% more than what he had quoted me at the beginning of the trip. And before you ask, there is no way that I would hear 20 as 200, let alone the fact that that is a high fare for anywhere in the city. The whack thing is I decided the best thing was to pay the guy and walk away since I am in a foreign country where I don't speak the language.

Also everyone and their mother will walk up to you and try to overcharge you into their cabs. Even people in their shops will come out and try to talk you into coming inside. Hey if I need a suit, I'll come inside. Do they think I'm going to be walking to a temple and some guys says "Hey buddy you need a suit?" "You know, now that you mention it I do need a suit!!" And I'm not blind, I can see each and every taxi, if I need one I know where to look.

To continue about the taxi drivers they are hawks. The best are the guys that sit in front of the hotels and try to charge 4xs the price am accustomed to bargaining and paying a bit more for things since I am a foreigner in Asia but these people just take it to a new level. It's come to the point of frustration where I just get out or walk away rather than trying to bargain with them..

Which brings me to my point, that I believe is a shared experience by many travelers like me. That you don't experience one earthshattering event that flips you, it's more like 100 little things chipping away at you until you snap. Believe me I'm not the only one. I remember telling this to a friend when he had been in China for 1 day. He laughed and told me I was being melodramatic. I saw him a month later and he had the same look on his face and told me I was 100% right.

Anyway that's my rant. I feel better now just getting it off my chest. That's life you know...not always the ideal situation. But at least I can have a latte, it's the little things that make it worth the trip.

Random Camera Phone Pics Part 2 -Thailand

Welcome to part 2.

This picture just cracks me up, old Ronald giving the traditional Thai Namaste greeting. The real irony is that the people pride themselves on never being colonized. I'll leave it at that.



My favorite place in Bangkok...the 8 story MBK Center mall.

And kids doing some strange random dance in said mall.








I took some random pics waiting for the sky train yesterday

Random Camera Phone Pics Part 1 -China

I have to admit, I'm a gadget guy...I love toys. So since I have a 2 mp camera on my new phone, I've been taking random pics when the mood strikes (or I remember I'm walking around with a 1/2 way decent camera in my pocket).

Those dragons and the frame are special for Chinese New Year.
Da Shir Tza (big cross) at night













My little friend Jim drew this and they posted it up at his school. He's good.













Downtown Chengdu, killing time before my flight to Bangkok. You can't tell but I am extremely satisfied...I just ate a big mac and I have my phone in one hand and a triple latte in the other. Life is good sometimes for brief moments.



Who said they were communists?.....

















Oh yeah he did...
This was one of the things I was refering to in my previous post about the changing chinese culture. I'm not sure who this guy is, but he must be someone important to have a statue of him in a prominant public place.

Then of course if you look at the whole picture you see the east meets west point I was trying to make.

Just got out of the dentist, half of my mouth is numb. I was very impressed with the hospital, I first heard about it on my last trip to L.A...Mom was telling me they had done a 60 Minutes story on Bumrumgrad Hospital, that it was one of the best hospitals in the world etc.

So I went on trust, looking at the website, and my Mom's recomendation. Since I don't have insurance I have avoided the dentist for the last few years even though I know it wasn't the smartest idea.

Like I said I was impressed. The place looks like a hotel not a hospital. They have shopping, internet and McDonalds and Starbucks as well as doctors. The dentist was very quick and effecient and the best part.......$125 for cleaning, x-rays and a big filling. Try getting that in America.

I have been following a routine: eating breakfast at the free hotel buffet (it is free and I can eat bacon...something that doesn't quite exist in my part of China), thai food for lunch, and venturing out to a nice restaurant for dinner. Yesterday I had some pad thai noodles and chickenand then went hunting for this shi shi sushi restaurant that was on the better side of mediocre. Personally I blame the excellent sushi restaurants in Studio City for making me accustomed to great sushi.

Anyway after the novacaine wears off I'll get some more thai food, and try to find this italian spot for dinner. And if I don't go back to Senor Picos before I leave I am crazy.

It's funny the differences between this city and China. I get excited about a lot of things that wouldn't be exciting if I was living in the US or travelling in a more developed part of the world...but that's just not the case for me. Joan said she was grateful when the car starts...I get jazzed over Hagen Dazs, American food, and movies in english.

Overall this city is great. It has it's downsides like horrible traffic (and this is coming from someone who has lived in L.A. for most of his life!!) but the flipside to that is the mass transit is AWESOME. I mean I've been here 3 days and I'm already using it with ease. There is a sky train and a subway which are both cheap and clean as well as buses and taxis. I'll probably take the sky train to dinner again tonight, and my hotel is 2 blocks from one of the subway exits. Pretty good for picking a place to sleep randomly!

But it's not all gravy...I am the type of person who believes in conspiracies, like if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. For instance there are these taxis called duk duks which is basically a motorcycle with a cab attached. Not that these are the best form of transportation because of you are sitting unexposed to the street, but this weekend these stores ran promotions where if the drivers brought you to shop there they would get free gas. So the drivers were offering really cheap prices as long as they could take you to these stores. The good thing is you can only get duped once by this, and as a local pointed out to me, even if you don't buy anything you are still helping the guy out because the drivers are really poor.

The problem is the package deal they are selling you includes a trip to several jewelry stores and high end custom suits...basically stuff I'm never going to buy. When I walked into the suit place the salesman just started laughing. I mean I look just like who I am...someone travelling for a few years.

Besides from that the drivers don't hear you very well...I've had problems with a couple so far and one tricked me on the price and I decided (much to my annoyance) to just walk away from it rather than get into an altercation in a foreign country where I don't speak the language (even though I knew I was 100% right). Coming back from the restaurant the driver told me my hotel wasn't where I said it was, then stopped 3 times to ask for directions.

Anyway that's enough of my bitching, I'm about to go see the Chronicles of Narnia VIP seating for less than an american matinee.

Still taking pictures, probably hit up some more "temples" tomorrow after the doctors. And then I have another 3 days to play around.

Well I didn't expect to be back here so soon, but I had to come get some more money and most places don't take chinese currency.

I just got done seeing a bunch of temples, including the most famous...the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. I swear I took at least 300 pictures there, it was awesome. I also hung out in the temple, much to the surprise of several thai people i sat down next to. The place had such a great vibe, billions of prayers said there so some definite positive peaceful energy could be felt.

Bangkok is an interesting place. Since I'm not coming back to the US anytime soon, this was a good choice. Last night I went and ate Mexican food, and it was GOOD, I was in heaven. I had to take a taxi pretty far and the driver thought I was crazy (well actually he thought I was going to the hookers 2 streets down). But the restaurant was voted the best in Bangkok 2 years ago and it was worth every penny. I mean they even had those spicy carrots and jalapenos. There was also a 4 piece band playing latin music...reminded me of home.

So back to the hookers...because (some) people kind of assume that's what I'm doing anyway lol. It's very bizarre...as a solitary man I pretty much get solicited by the cab drivers to take me to the girls or to various massage parlors. But the best was last night on the way to the restaurant. Here is a reenactment of the conversation:

Driver: "where are you going tomorrow?"
Me: "To some temples"
Driver: "Oh Buddha! Very good!!" (points to the Buddha figures on his dashboard and does a quick Namaste )
Driver: So how about tonight? You want to go get some pretty girls, sex show?
Me: Well (laughing) I don't think Buddha would be happy with me
Driver: No at night you see girls...then during the day you see Buddha no problem.

Hilarious.

Tomorrow I'm going to the dentist. Cheers

As a side note a.k.a. Shameless Promotion

I can see from the traffic there are quite a few new people looking at the blog, and some of the recent pictures are too large and have thrown the links and archives down to the bottom of the page.

So if you are new please take a minute to check out the whole page, because near the bottom are some cool links to Buddhist sites, Fundraising, as well as my siblings's blogs. You can also check out the archive blog entries down there.

Cheers

Gratitude

"What's Gonna Set You Free
Look Inside And You'll See
When You've Got So Much To Say
It's Called Gratitude, And That's Right..."

Waiting for the plane to Bangkok last night a reoccuring thought popped up in my head. I have often remarked (not on this forum, mostly in the ongoing discussion with myself) that I write more as a release for negative energy then positivity. I like to vent, and sometimes I bitch and whine. It's just how I'm wired, whether I am writing a private journal or on this blog. And as my friend Paul used to say I am more attracted to the dark side of music, the notes that hit the sadness inside.

"It is said that if you have a good heart, even the earth on the path before you will be good to you. If you have a good heart, then everything you do will be good."-Garchen Rinpoche

But today I just feel gratitude for so many things. Life is an amazing journey and I am incredibly blessed. I am constantly blown away by it, especially as someone who believes in karma. How have all these good things happened considering the way I've lived my life? I am so grateful for everything and everyone I am blessed to have.

Today, I have reached 1/4 of my maximum life expentancy. I am in a different country, waiting for some temples to open up, or perhaps to see a movie. When you live in the tibetan mountains it's the little things that you appreciate, like american ice cream or a latte. Maybe I'm just easily satiated.

Thank you all in your own ways for the love and support you have given me. I love you all.

It's always interesting to go to new places. I spent today in Chengdu, waiting for my airplane to Bangkok. Since I haven't visited all of China, I will have to make comparisons based on my experience. In that light I would say Chengdu is between Beijing and Xining. It is a modern city like Beijing, but it is so much more inland that it doesn't have the same penetration of culture that Beijing does.

Of course that is changing, for instance I ate at McDonalds and then had a latte at Starbucks (and let me tell you after 6 months away from home a Big Mac tastes pretty damn good!) But you definetly notice the differences...for starters it was the biggest and busiest McD's I have ever seen...then in the bathroom they had squatter toilets...almost western, but not quite.

I find it interesting to observe this country, a country that is going through rapid growth and change. After all it has only been open for 25 years, but you definetly notice western culture seeping in in all facets. I find this somewhat ironic considering my own country is made up of a diverse group of people...many cultures coming together but creating a definate american culture. Here there is a definate culture, and yet it seems many youth want to embrace the West. When our Grandparents and Great-Grandparents arrived in America did they wish to keep their own customs, or adapt to the "Great Melting Pot"...and how about their children.

The strangest thing is to see people my age that look like me, and to simultaneously know that I will always be an outsider. It's a different world.

But although the outsider is the norm, I think it's changing. For instance as I walked through downtown Chengdu today I came across a store with some cool looking kids...dressed like I did in high school, smoking Marlboro Reds and playing guitar. I asked one of them where he had gotten his earring, since he had an enlarged guage similar to mine. Although he didn't speak very much english he and his friend spent a couple of hours taking me around to different places to look for earrings. I don't know too many people in the States who would do that for a complete stranger.

On to other topics...

I had a funny feeling when I arrived in the airport and looked at the departing flights. Sitting in an international terminal with a pocket full of money I suddenly experienced some strong wanderlust. Maybe it's being on break for so long, or being here for half a year, or just realizing that the world is an open door full of opportunities. But at this point if I was to leave I would have to head straight for one destination...home. And yet when I do make it back, how much will have changed. You kind of get stuck on an idea of the place and people you left without realizing that they are also changing in their own ways while you are off on the other side of the globe. Almost everyone I know has gone through some sort of major life altering change since I left...moving, parenthood, death, divorce, starting school just to name a few. Time just fades the pages in my book of memories.

And now I'm off to Thailand for a week. Is it a little crazy to go off to a new country by myself? Maybe. But time waits for no man. New adventure and experience awaits, and I hope my next entry will be some good things that are yet to occur.

Life at a Monastery

Inspired by several kind words from people I decided it was high time for another session. Yeah that and having the DVD player mercilessly yanked from your apartment helps too.

Tonight I'll write about things at home. I've posted some random pics, and some pics of schools I've visited and my own school, and this will be dedicated to the things I see in my daily life living in a Monastery.

I guess to start I would have to say that I never thought I would be as comfortable in my home as I am. Not only that but being back in a (somewhat) normal city with the luxeries that we take for granted, I actually MISS my humble little home. There's a bit part of me that can't wait to go back and that isn't something I could honestly say at the beginning of this when I was just kind of tolerating things.

I had this moment of clarity one day...I think I had been there for a couple of weeks. I was grumbeling and bitching to myself about one thing or another: starting the fire, the fear of food poisoning from yak meat, walking to use the hole that passes for the toilet...take your pick. Anyway the point is that as I bitched along to myself I suddenly thought "Hey!! What are you complaining about? You arn't the only one living this way!! And your Grandfather who lives in America doesn't live that much different from you. Suck it up!!"

Now to be honest the way I live is closer to my Grandfather's way of life in his youth, but there are still quite a few similarities. And you know what? Over time I have adjusted to the place and even grown to like it.And you know what? Over time I have adjusted to the place and even grown to like it. There is an aesthetic quality that is very soothing. Not only that but the area has VERY strong peaceful vibrations, not only from there being an ancient Monastery but there are also several caves where very powerful Buddhas and Buddhists have done retreats and meditations...the place oozes a spiritual aura that is impossible to avoid.

One thing I have been continually struck by is being a part of a community and culture that is completly foreign to your own. Sometimes I will be at someones house and it just trips me out that one day I will leave this place, go back home to the things I find normal...but for these folks this is normal. It's no big deal to live without electricity up in a remote corner of the world. It's just one of those things.

Life...


This is my room. It's pretty simple, even though it's one of the bigger rooms in the Monastery. I enjoy the solitude, although tibetan people are notorious for not having a clue about personal space and every few days (if I'm lucky) I'll catch someone staring through my window or sometimes opening the door for a look around. Because of this one of the first things I learned to say in tibetan was "I have a nice house don't I?"

Although I am without electricity I have a solar panel that collects enough juice to run a light for a few hours so I can study at night. And without the normal distractions I tend to do a lot of studying, writing, and meditation.

I'm also trying to write a book...even though I am only 25 I have had a pretty crazy eventful life. Who knows, maybe someone would want to read about it or learn a few things I have had to figure out the hard way. Or I could just be an ego maniac...only time will tell.

The Terrace...

As I have already shown, you don't have to look far for a view. Sometimes it's hard to pull myself away even when it's freezing cold. It's just that awesome. Here's a rare day of snow.


My area has the best weather in the District by far...it's usually about 10 degrees warmer than the surrounding counties and gets hardly any snow.




Kora...
Here are some random pictures I took walking around the Monastery on the Kora path. In another words it's the circumnambulation path that everyone walks around daily.
I don't do it as much as the locals, but whenever you feel like going for a walk it's the obvious choice. Most any other place is going to involve some fairly strenuous climbing at some point.





The surrounding area...

These pictures are of the upper areas:

there is a Shedra or Monk's college


here's a pretty one from the roof of the Shedra

This is the Upper Monastery as seen from the Shedra


These are on the roof of the Monks quarters




...and these are looking down on my home the Lower Monastery. The funny thing is if you could enlarge there pictures enough you could see my house!




Upper Mountain wildlife


My roof...

Although it might seem silly to write about my roof, it is a really nice area and leads into the next section well. I like to hang out up there meditating or thinking. I often just stare into that view behind me

and as you can see by the next couple of pictures it is very close to the main temple of the Monastery.




The temple...

How many people can say their next door neighbor is a temple? Here are a few pictures from the best indoor area in the area.

Lord Jigten Sumgon, the Buddha who founded the lineage to which I belong




In this picture you can see some of the cool tormas (ritual offerings) that the monks make


the forefathers of the Kagyupa lineage








the Protector Dieties Mahakala


and our special Protector Jigten Sumgon's Grandma Miss Achi Choki Drolma

this is a mask that a Lama wears to do certain ritual masks



The people...

I have gotten to know lots of people in the community well, including some of the monks that spend their days in the temples.

This Venerable monk is like my father, he's very sweet. He spends his day and half the night doing Mahakala practice




This guy brings me butter lamps all the time.


And last but not least is someone very important to me, my Tibetan teacher

The kids...
What more can I say about them? I love them to death and teaching and involvement in the school is a big part of my life.










So I guess that's about it...life is simple and quiet, it's not like I have a whole lot of drama to report about. Right now I'm in the middle of the experience, but someday I will be back and ready to put into action the things that are brewing in my mind. Because of the circumstances and the distance between me and civilization it's a bit difficult to get the ball rolling on these things at the moment.

Thanks for the support from everyone, either vocalized or kept to yourself. I was talking to one of my friends when I got back here and he asked me if I was surprised that so many people cared about me and thought about me. My answer was an honest yes. Who am I to deserve something like that?

And to the people who have given me props or said that they admire what I'm doing or that I'm an inspiration...well I'm flattered but I would be doing the same thing if nobody cared. Don't think that I'm special or doing something extraordinary, just believe in yourself and have enough faith to follow your dreams...with hard work you can achieve anything. At the root of Buddhist belief there is an extremely profound teaching : that life is no accident and is merely causes and conditions coming together based on cause and effect. This works from the simple act of putting bread, meat, and cheese together to create what we label a sandwich or the profound path that leads without fail to Buddhahood if practiced.

Life is truly what you make of it, and is too short to waste. I always think of the great philosopher and sage Nagarjuna who described frittering life away to filling a beautiful jeweled goblet with shit. So don't shit in your cup...

Gargon School

Here are some pics of my lobdrah dang lhoma which is tibetan for "school and students". I like my job a lot. I honestly didn't think I would enjoy teaching as much as I do, but it's fun.

Reinventing a dream

I was watching a movie the other night in which the main character said something like "there are 2 big tragedies in life...not getting what you want and getting it." At the time I didn't quite understand it, but as time goes on here in Xining perhaps I'm beginning to get an inkling of what he was talking about. In Buddhism they talk about the bummer of geting what you don't want...I think this is just a different way of saying the same thing.

How does this relate to me? Well for the last couple weeks I've been sitting up on a mountain making plans and dreaming about vacation. What I arrived to was frustration, headaches, and the same old stuff I left here for relative serenity.

As I write this I realize that I spent the first month or so on the mountain experiencing quite a few difficulties and problems adjusting. I guess I'm just the type that looks at the glass as half empty rather than appreciating what I have in front of me. It's just my personality type, it's how I'm wired. I'm sure if you asked someone smarter they would say something about samsara being unfufilling or that there are problems wherever you go.

Not that it's all been bad in either place, but I do find it ironic that I am now more comfortable living in a place that at a glance is much more primative if not worse. I miss the solitude, and the beauty, the general spiritual vibe of the place. Yet isn't it funny when I think of how much time I wasted thinking about how nice it would be to come back to the place I am in now?

I guess the point is that we see what we want to see. If you want something or someone bad enough, you look past the flaws and bad points...not to mention the things you really don't know yet.

It's my forum so I'll cry if I want to, but I know I'm not alone. Hell I'm probably better off than a lot of people. But I've found on this trip it's not the big problems that do you in, it's the small problems that build up until you snap; the straw that breaks your back. So choose your headache. Is it maintaining a fire, cold weather, dirt and squatting to use the bathroom? Or is it even colder weather, a phone that won't work and horrible customer service that won't fix it? Hell I could always come back to America and deal with a new set of problems.

How to stay serene in the face of all this? The whole situation, perhaps the human condition seems a bit absurd at certain times. I am happy to get a chance to talk to the people I love...but then it reminds me of how much I miss them. And the silliest thing is you know how to deal with it, but some times it's difficult.

Of course that's not the whole story, it's not all bad, and I have many more positive things to write and share. Being by myself most of the time, without communication I have turned to writing a lot. Now that I have this journal back I decided to use it. Someday perhaps I'll have a book...for now I have the random memories and thoughts that I commit to paper. Sometimes they turn out quite profound, sometimes it's a way to fill time.

Maybe its really amazing. In a month I'll have been clean and sober for 2 years. Is any of this possible without that? I seriously doubt it. Of course I don't think (for anyone) sobriety is enough...you have to dig that shit collected inside of you out, fill the hole inside of you with light and love. Maybe this isn't limited to alcoholics and addicts. Is this the promised land we all search for? The point is to do something to better yourself rather than stagnation or worse, regression. Life is a continual process of rejuvination and reinvention. Reinventing a dream in your own image, or enslaved by your own obscessions. The choice is up to us, and everything has a price.

Just my rambelings for today.

Helping out Schools in Tibet

As I mentioned in my previous post, I have gotten to visit some really remote villages where Gar Rinpoche has schools. In a journey of life altering experiences it might be hard to pinpoint what has had the most effect on me, but this would definely have to be up near the top of the list. Coming here at all, unless you are interested only in yourself and relaxing on some vacation should have some effect on you, and I think you would have to have your eyes closed pretty tight not to notice something .

What I do is visit these schools with Rinpoche's brother and take pictures for sponsors and people who want to give money to Rinpoche to help. In the next few years a large number of pictures of this sort that you see may have been taken by me.

I have wanted to do something positive to help since I arrived here, but some of the things that I have seen in the last few months have had the deepest impact. For those who don't understand these are the truly indiginous people who from one perspective don't live in the same world as us. Many of these places are hours and hours of off road driving away from the nearest town, so they are very self sufficient. They don't go to the store to get the things they need, they live their way of life the way they always have...mostly farming.

Some places don't have a school at all, just students with a chalkboard sitting under the overhang of a corral with a chalkboard;
some have 100 students sitting in the same one tiny classroom.

I was asked a very good question: why do these children need to know english if they are so remote or indiginous as I mentioned? My answer for this is without assistance it's very difficult for these children to do anything but live the way their families have...they are not properly equipped to go and do anything else. By learning as much as they can, especially english, they have a better opportunity to make something of their lives besides farming.

Many are very difficult to get to. The first place we visited had one road to get in..it was wedged in between a river and the side of a mountain and we had to wait quite a while for people to clear the rocks that even our jeep with a 4 wheel offroad package couldn't get over. The road itself wasn't really wider than the jeep and it was a very dangerous journey where we DEFINETLY could have fallen into the river. Another place had old wooden bridges we had to cross where it was safer to get out of the jeep and walk across...again the jeep not much woder than the bridge. I was told that only recently had they decided to risk using a vehicle to get to this location...the safer way was to go in by horse. On our way leaving there was a supply truck that had become stuck on a bridge and was definetly going to be there over night in the cold. Luckily at this particular part of the path the river was shallow enough for us to make it across otherwise we would have been stuck there too!

When I got here I thought about starting an NGO and it is still something that I eventually want to do. On the other hand, why re-invent the wheel? Gar Rinpoche is already providing a massive help to many communities and I want to help him and I hope that others reading this, and especially those who are a part of the Drikung Sangha realize that there are people that need help out there in the world. These are children that you can help educate, that you can help give a better opportunity on life to.

Another thing I would like to do is help to get some more teachers over here. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's up for this kind of adventure. And there are many schools that would love to have an English teacher. In fact I believe that it is just that most people don't know that the opportunity is out there, and that they would be up for it if they knew.

I will continue to write about this, obviously it isn't something that I can work on a whole lot at the moment being so far removed from people or electricity. But I think there are seeds that are being planted right now, and a desire growing that will still be there when I am in a better position to help.

If you are interested in making a donation please visit these websites:

http://www.garchen.net/gargon.html http://www.tibetaid.org/gargon.htm

Every story starts somewhere

...Even the long ones. For those who maybe new or have forgotten, about 3 months ago my Lamas asked me to come teach at this Monastery effectivly taking me out of a normal city with electricity, toilets, running water and most other things that I had become used to as a citizen in the civilized world. I jumped at the opprtunity for 2 reasons. The first was that the request came from my Lamas...those who have been kind to me beyond description, who have given me entrance into the vajrayana path, and who are my Gurus...I could go on and on about that. The second reason is that I came to China with a specific purpose...to learn tibetan and I thought this was a much better environment to do that in.
So now I'm on vacation, school's out for 2 months. It's really weird to be back here after the serenity of Gar Monastery, but I'll write about that later since I have so many other things to speak on now.

These first two pictures were taken pretty early on. In addition to teaching at Gar Rinpoche's school I have also had the privaledge to visit a few really remote villages which wouldn't have a school if it wasn't for Rinpoche. So we go and take pictures of the students for sponsors worldwide. This is an amazing opportunity because most of these places are so remote that you wouldn't find them or have a reason to go there if not for the reason already stated. These journeys have had a big impact on me and my desire to continue to help over here in whatever way I can...but more about that later.

That first two pictures above is in front of the Che Chu River in October; I had just left Xining. The picture to the left is above the Monastery where I live. We had visited the upper Monastery and the Shedra, which are both higher up the mountain than the buildings below with the school, the lower Monastery and most of the people's homes. The higher you go the more dharmic you get.

Most of the monks live in the upper Gonba, which is the word in tibetan for Monastery.

Did I mention that I study tibetan everyday, and that I am basically operating at a beginning conversational level? I find it amazing that this has occurred in such a short period of time. I really can't praise complete immersion in a language enough if you really want to learn it. Of course learning is a bit different than it would be in America...tibetan children learn by a lot of repitition. They don't start reading for a couple of years, you have to spell everything out. I think this is helping because I have noticed lately that it's getting easier for me to read the longer I spell. Tibetan is a crazy language too because there are several dialects, and sub-dialects within those! The written language is the only thing that is the same. I am learning 2 different dialects mixed together which is neat. Sometimes I have to remember who I'm talking to before I start talking!

These next 2 are on the "terrace" that's outside of my house. It's breathtakingly beautiful night and day, and I can't wait for it to be warm enough to sit out there for long periods and relax. I like to eat my breakfast out there and just enjoy the view and relax, although your hands get VERY cold at tht time of the morning.

As you can see there isn't a cloud in the sky many days...sometimes it's just too good to be true. Before the sun comes over the mountains, they look blue from the sky reflecting off of the snow.
This is the faculty of our school...they are really cool people, and we have a lot of fun together despite the fact that I only speak a little tibetan and they only speak a little english. The gentleman in the middle is my tibetan teacher, and we are in his home having lunch in this picture. I hardly ever cook because the teachers are nice enough to cook for me, and it's a good thing since they are much better cooks than I am.



These are my kids. I really love them. I feel like they are my own children, since that is something I don't have in this life. They are funny kids, and over time have come to accept me a bit more than at the beginning. I think I'm the "cool" teacher...I probably let them get away with more than the others and my teaching style is definetly not the same. We sing songs, play games, I want them to enjoy my class!! Of course sometimes it freaks them out, because this is not the standard chinese/tibetan educational method but I don't care.

We also play alot during their breaks...catch or the equivalent of chinese hackysack. This is something I practiced all through high school so they try to do all the tricks I still remember.

I know it's going to be really hard to leave them someday.

The next picture was taken high in the mountains on our way back from a village we went to. The last picture we took on the way back to civilization a few days ago.

And that's my first entry...obviously I have lots more to share. If you have anything you would specifically like to know please ask.

Happy new year everybody. May all beings have happiness and its cause in their lives. May all be free from suffuring and it's source in their lives. May they experience happiness free from grasping. May they rest in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.

Hello Again

well it's nice to come back and not only see some love, but also 250 hits while i've been gone and haven't done a damn thing to the page.

this is my filer message as i sift through emails until i get a chance to post the many pictures and a full regailing of what i've been through lately

love jon

Well I figured one last good post ought to do it.

Plus it gave me an excuse to embaress my kids by taking pictures of them today.

Here we see our fortuitous meeting in which the decisions were decided and the plans were planned. I was already mentally and spiritually prepared but this is where it became official. By the way if you are ever in Xining this is one of the best restaurants for tibetan food ...it sounds like Soogeeneema.



My kids...what can I say about them? Well half of them are adorable and the other half can be real pains in the ass, how's that?? This week has been funny to me...more clowning around with them and having fun. Chinese culture is very different from ours in some ways...like kids having boyfriend/girlfriend. Also some things which we would joke about are pretty embaressing to them, but you know me I joke about it anyway.


These younger kids are cute though right? They are the most eager to learn, definetly the easiest to motivate.
The girl smiling in the front row is one of my favorites. She is adorable, and one of the best students. I didn't feel like telling my classes that this would be the last time I would see them, probably the next teacher will be a lot more strict than me and I don't want them to look forward to it...better one swift blow than a week and a half of thinking about it.

They are really sweet though and some of them are real characters. Today some kids came in late and they reeked of smoke. Of course I called them on it, much to their embaressment and the delight of the rest of the class. The clowns actually tried to play it off. I taught my friends last night one of my favorite american sayings... "you can't bullshit a bullshitter"

So this should be my last post...I'll try to get back before I leave to check my email, but so long.\ true believers.

"Saturday, September 24, 2005 Ode to Los Angeles

I am a person who believes in some higher power, some source of energy that exists in our world which we can draw anything we want from it. I do not concern myself with the ridiculous notion of picking a God. I don't care if you call your energy source Buddha, Jesus, Shawn Maldonado, Goddess, or Kobe Bryant.

I think it's shallow to believe that there is one correct choice and that if you don't choose correctly then you are doomed. I believe in the human spirit and the reality of a spiritual path. There is no good or evil, there are only paths which we choose and paths that some of us are forced to walk down. Over time we become more aware of where each potential path will take us but never reach absolute certainty. The experience and the gifts that we receive along the way come from the journey and have little to do with the destination. Be in the here and now and love those who are close to you because love can conquer all things in the realm of negativity.

My path today is taking me from a place and a job that I love and have very serious and passionate ties with. I am moving this weekend from The City of Angels to Sin City. The undeniable truth about this sort of thing is that no matter how much I love people or L.A., where ever I go - there I am. Nothing will really change. My surroundings will look and feel different and the people in my life will look and feel different. But nothing is truly different at all because I am still Dustin- Mind, Body, and Spirit.

Life is what you make of it. It really is! We all have free will to act on an uncountable number of impulses, ideas, and thoughts. We as humans let one thing hold us back from realizing our potential and living our dreams. FEAR. Most of us would rather walk around this planet believing all the lies that we hear from others that love to spread the fear. Don't believe that people don't change. Don't believe that you can't change. Don't believe that things will always be the same. If you believe the lies then you are destined to fulfill your self made prophecies.

As for loving people, Love Hurts. People make mistakes and hurt each other. It's pretty simple. The more you love someone the easier it is to be hurt by them or to hurt them. When people don't realize this they end up ending beautiful relationships over microscopic mistakes. All of the relationships in my life are so full of upside that when someone hurts me I feel my feelings and then move forward. From the hurt comes growth between the hurter and the hurtee if you choose to communicate about these things that we do to each other.

There was an Indian chief and an Indian warrior sitting together in front of the fire one night. The warrior said to the chief "Oh wise chief I feel like there are two dogs inside of me and they are constantly fighting each other." "One dog is good and the other is evil." The chief looked at the warrior and asked "what is the problem?" The warrior said "How do I know which dog is going to win the fight?" The chief looked at the warrior and said "that is simple young one, the dog that will win is the one that you feed the most"

So, feed your spirit and don't be discouraged by the bad dog. There is one in all of us and it doesn't go away. The fights just become shorter and less violent."

From time to time I really feel what people are saying, and their thoughts echo my own, or perhaps intensity my own point by acting as a catalyst for some fresh reflection and a new perspective. Here I am plaugerizing a very wise person in my life. One who I feel shows by example the very things that he talked about, and one of the main forces that I believe in, the law of cause and effect.

I am so blessed to have people of light on the path to help me. They come from all sides, in unexpected ways. A kind word or a smile, a hug from my Mom, my Dean coming in with a steaming cup of jasmine tea, these heros exist everywhere if you just look around and let them in. One thing that has come up in several conversations in the last week with different people is running into old friends or old situations...old environments. It's funny, maybe tragic because it is situations like these that make you realize that you have grown and changed and really reflects what you want in life and how you have moved on. It's also kind of sad, because usually the people that you meet haven't changed...they are doing the same things as the last time you saw them. Sometimes they want to know the secret...like I possess some sort of key to the universal path. It's unfathomable that you could actually make changes in your life...it's easier for them to talk or dream about it without putting in the work.

Perhaps from their perspective it does look like magic, but really that's a load of crap. I laugh in the face of anyone who says my life is easy because I believe in change, or that I am some sort of tranquil Kung Fu cliche sitting on a rock near a brook contemplating the sound of one hand clapping.

Garchen Rinpoche said in a teaching that it is impossible to change your current behavior because it is conditioned by the past. What is absolutly possible is changing your future actions by altering your behavior now. While this may seem like a paradox, it is really a profound bit of wisdom if you think about it. So how to change? Simple Cause and Effect (some call it karma but you don't need to) Put one foot in front of the other. One drop of water at a time fills the bucket.

So to borrow an analogy I'm trying to feed the good dog. Ricky told me it's ok to take small steps, but I'm a little foolish. I tend to be a little extreme...why dip your toe in to test the water when you can dive in the deep end? I was walking over here, and I was thinking "Why?" Why am I doing this? And it wasn't that I was doubting or second guessing myself, I just wanted to check in and make sure I am grounded...because I am taking some big steps right now.

So I said "Why?" and I immediatly said to myself..."well do you believe you can change?" and even more as a continuation of thought, "do you believe in liberation?" which are both silly questions to me because the answer to both is yes. But the human mind is so scared of change...it's so much easier to stay complacent right? And one of my flaws is that I am scared of success...so sometimes I have to remind myself that anything is possible if I do the work. Or as Vanessa put it "it's ok when you listen to your heart and soul...when you listen to your head you get confused."

But I guess we all have doubts and fears, some people just listen more than others. I think it's important to have dreams, and more importantly not be afraid to follow them. To accept the difficulties that come along with the rewards, and to put one foot in front of the other.

Thanks to all those in my life who help me, and thanks for just being there.

It's the End of the Blog as We Know It...And I Feel Fine

Well perhaps not the end, but pretty damn close. I plan on sending out some more personal emails in the near future but I figured I would make my announcement on here since you have all been so nice to me and quite frankly, to save time.

My teachers have asked me to teach at a Monestary far removed from the city. Effectivly this means no telephone, television, and internet which means no blog. It's kind of sad because I kind of like this little creation, and I especially love hearing from people with their comments (in fact some peoples comments are better than what I write!)

This is an amazing opportunity, and I can't help but feel gratitude. I also feel like this is a culmination of a lot of work and aspirations coming together. I don't mean to sound hokey but whenever I have been ready for the next step, it has shown up without warning sooner or later. This just seems to be a continuation on that theme.

Of course, it may bring up new dificulties...and as my Mom pointed out change even if positive is always a little stressful. At this moment I welcome it.

Yes I welcome this challenge. I will continue to teach, but I will also have total immersion in the language I am studying which I don't have here. I will also be forced to abandon the things which so easily distract me, and I plan on using the time to do some serious practice.

I love you all and am so happy to have had an audience to share the experience up to now with. In my dark times you have embraced me with your light and for that I thank you. One of the difficult things for me in the last year is leaving people behind in order to pursue other things and I have been fortunate to have 21st century technology to lessen that so far. Since I will be 2 hours drive away from the closest town it pretty much brings this to a close.

I will be around long enough to check in a few more times, but the time grows short. I welcome your emails, and calls and I am working on getting a physioal address. Also any comments you leave on here go to my email. Perhaps I will continue this in a year or so, and if so I have your emails to let you know that I'm back at it again.

Cheers, holla at me before it's too late

Jonathan

I figured it was high time for some new pictures, who knows how long I can hold peoples' attention when I'm rambling on about quasi philisophical whinings.

Anyway these are pictures from one of my favorite places in Xining. As you can see (well maybe you can't) it takes quite a lot of effort to reach the stupa in the mountains overlooking the city. It is especially difficult for someone like me who hasn't lived at an elevation like this for their entire lives.

I am not sure the exact specifics, because sometimes there is a little bit lost in translation. My Lama Garchen Rinpoche either built and maintains this stupa, or basically sponsors and takes care of it presently. At any rate it is an amazing place and definetly worth the hike. Every time I see it up above the city I think of the wonderful kindness of my Lama and the wonderful teachers of the Drikung Kagyu.







I live down there...




A really cool Lama lives in a shack next to the tower, opening it for visitors and doing practice. He is an amazing person and I was quite blown away the first time we visited because he is also a disciple of Garchen Rinpoche and knows many people I know in America. It was quite surreal. It is always an interesting feeling when you meet someone who is like a brother that you have never met. Why would I say that? Well we have the same teacher and lots of the same Dharma friends.

Been doing a lot of writing and thinking in the last few days; a recent conversation with someone reminded me of Vanilla Sky "every passing moment is another chance to turn it all around." How often do we forget this simple truth? How much of life is spent lost in memories and dreams, neglecting the wonder of the present moment?

How often do we cut ourselves from the love that flows through the world, if only we let it? Ok now I sound like a hippy, but it's true. My Lama Garchen Rinpoche talks about the frozen heart, and how we must melt this in order for the blessings to flow. It's so easy to get caught up in my own head, especially here where I am constantly an outsider, subject to ridicule, excessive staring and open mouthed shock just because I am a foreigner; a stranger in a strange land. In this environment it is so easy to feel alone, to feel seperate, like you just don't belong. And sometimes I do...sometimes I just think it's funny. It's funny because if a chinese or tibetan person went to most places in america, no one would give them a second look, it's nothing out of the ordinary to see someone who doesn't look like you where I come from.

If we are shaped by the past is it possible to completly let it go? I think the answer is yes, but the degree to which this is accomplished becomes increasingly difficult. And yet, look how far I have already come...I have already been in China for almost a 1/4 year, I have more than18 months clean and sober, and time marches on dragging me along with it.

One difficulty is leaving those I love behind. I love so many people, and to be far away from some, to know that some I will probably never see again is very hard for me. And yet this is just the way things are...no matter how much I care for anything at some point it will vanish like dust in the wind. Maybe today, maybe in 50 years. It seems every day is full of lessons.

I am happy to see those around me changing also. Friends from all walks of life. My siblings have scattered to diferent places, we are now all on different continents and my parents have California to themselves. My friends are doing well, my one wish for them is to quit smoking as they have shed the rest of their substance abuse but that's not my decision to make. Besides from that they continue to flourish.

One thing that is almost a neccesity here is music. Music is like a drug to me, before I got loaded in the traditional sense I got lost in music. I am all about the emotional reaction from art, especially in the musical sense. Some days I feel like my music has kept me sane, or smiling. It's a beautiful thing really and I wish I had more of it.

I'll close with a pic I took tonight. Peace and love

How I'm Living

I feel like I could just write extensivly about this week...if I wasn't so damn tired. It was certainly action packed, fulled of unexpected plot twists with plenty of twists and turns.

My 2nd week of teaching came to an end a few hours ago. It started off with a bang on Monday when the other teacher went MIA. Usually each class is divided in half, so I am teaching 35-45 and someone else is teaching the same. Well this other fellow doesn't show up and guess who ends up teaching 80-90 kids? So that was fun. It was slightly challenging because for the most part I am winging it when it comes to teaching. I am told that I am a pretty good teacher and my students seem to like me, but it's not like I have any credentials...I'm just a good bullshit artist. Like the rest of my professions, I have learned the hard way, by trial and error actually doing the job. Like some people go to insurance school, get their license, learn about selling insurance and so forth before they go join an agency. Not me..I started in a boiler room cold calling mechanics and contractors trying to get my foot in the door and working my way up. It's just the way I do things.

For the most part I enjoy teaching, I really do like kids (as long as their not my own). But I do have a few difficulties. One is that I am obligated to teach 2 lessons out of our textbook a class, and that really doesn't leave any additional time for me to do extra things. For example I want my students to have pen pals with american students, and I had planned on having them write letters during the class, but now with this new directive, I have to throw that out or figure out a way around it. The other is that I just don't like disiplining the kids. Well, really I don't like being mean and setting mytslef up as the authority. I want to be the cool teacher that they like...like a Dead Poet's Society type. Man these chinese teacher's come into the room and the whole atmosphere changes...I'm even a little intimidated.

This week has also been an emotional roller coaster. There are a lot of things brewing in my head, some of which I don't feel like announcing yet...the time isn't right. Let's just say that I am on the brink of a potentially life changing situation that I am very excited about. The good thing about right now is I feel like there is nothing stopping me...

In my practice I feel like I am coming to a crutial juncture. According to the teachings of most of the major Buddhist schools, such as the teachings of Lama Atisha, there are 3 types, or stages of practitioners. At the first stage you simply refrain from creating negative karma in order to avoid a bad rebirth next time around. In the next step you decide that it is pointless to keep cycling through rebirth after rebirth and decide that it's time for liberation. In the final stage you decide that it would be foolish and selfish to merely liberate yourself and leave all others to suffer. It is then that true Bodhitchitta emerges.

So I feel like I do my best to try not to do anything bad but I aspire to reach the next level. There are so many things that I have attachment to, and I know that even though I have a fair bit of knowledge about Buddhism, it is such superficial, I don;t actually follow it. Things like revulsion for samsara and giving up attachments...forget it. Well, I want to change that, because superficial knowledge won't really help me anymore than reading a book on dancing will teach me how to dance. I have such a wonderful opportunity right now, why should I squander it?

For a long time I have had these aspirations, but I felt like I was pushing a square peg through a round hole...telling myself I could do long retreats, and really kind of posturing. Like it says in Calling the Lama From Afar...outwardly you look like a practitioner, but your mind is filled with venom like a poisonous snake. That is what I feel like, and the only one who can change it is me. So I feel like right now I am taking baby steps, instead of trying to do it all at once. There is a reason that the trainings are laid out step by step..because that's how it needs to be done. If you but in the right ingrediants, you get a delicious meal...as Lama Atisha says in his incomparable text...these teachings lead to Buddhahood because you are simply following the steps that the Buddhas themselves took; how could you expect to follow a different path and get the same results??

So now I am studying tibetan...putting myself ina place to be ina Dharma environment on a regular basis, and according to what has happened so far when the next stage is ready it will manifest naturally. But in the meantime it is up to me to do the hard work in order to actually reach those goals. And with that being said I will stop rambling because words don't get it done.

This week has turned out to be very interesting on many levels.

First I started teaching at a Middle School. Today I had 8 40 minute classes, and I must say my throat is a bit tired. There are about 35 students per class, and I have 4 different grades that I am teaching. Teaching in China is a little different than the US (not that I would know what teaching in the US is like, but hey I went to class once or twice!) For instance when I was introduced to each class by the Dean the students all gave me a good healthy round of applause (much to my amusement...)

Then as I told them a little about myself, I paused to ask if the students had anything they wanted to ask me. Three classes so far have asked me to sing a song...and I still have 4 classes I haven't met yet! Today as I was singing a song to them the kid had the cahones to ask me to dance too!! But yes I did sing to them, I'm not a total square.

So far I like the younger kids the best...the older ones are more of a challenge to discipline. The little kids are easy to motivate...just tell them they get a sticker if they answer the question. I tell you, chinese kids are shy, but boy do they love stickers. So I cured that problem.

Discipline is kind of funny too. Basically the way to get them in line is to make them lose face, like having them write their name on the board. We had a meeting before school started to go over a few things and that is one of the things they told us. They also stressed not to hit the kids...but I think some people in authority may be authorized to do that...just not me (which is good).

I also started lifting weights again this week and my little tibetan friend Thomas wanted to come, so I have been doing some teaching of another sort..which is funny. Here's this little kid and I'm going to get him huge!! I mean right now he can't even do situps on a decline bench, but he has a lot of heart and enthusiasm...it's so cute!! I have been getting a kick out of that.

There has been a fair amount of sadness and loneliness as I continue to adjust, but it has been more of a passing thought rather than the day long melancholy it has been in the past. Also I have been so busy with everything I haven't had time to mope too much.

Last but not least I (finally) started my tibetan tutoring this week. I am happy to actually be studying, but i am still trying to find someone to teach me Khampa dialect....right now I am learning Amdo which I would say is the smallest minority out of the three main dialects. Still anything is better than being stagnent.

This has been an emotionally charged week, although I have not had too much time to wallow in it good or bad. It's interesting because I have never actually lived by myself...sure with a roommate you have your own room, but that's not really the same. Living at the farm with my Grandfather was as close as I have been, because somedays you would see each other once, but I still knew he was there, and if I wanted to talk I could go find him, or poke him with a stick to get him up off the couch from his nap. Now it's just me. I have to say there are some things I like a lot...I am kind of a solitary person by nature, but some things are kind of lonely, especially considering I so recently had someone to share my dwelling with.

I find myself changing a bit...well that's an understatement but what I mean is as an American I think we have a general tendency to always be rushing around, always busy doing something or going somewhere. Here I can't watch TV, there isn't a whole lot to go out and "do" because I don't drink and I don't dance, and I can't understand chinese...it seems like I have a lot more time. Also asian people are much more leisurly about certain things like eating. They sit down, talk, lounge around quite a bit where as we impatient americans tend to eat quickly and then move on to the next thing. Chop chop. Well forget about that here.

One of my coworkers asked me if China was like I had expected it to be. I told her that I tried not to have any expectations coming here because I knew it would be different than anything I could imagine. With that being said I am still blown away by this place. I guess I didn't think it would be as challenging as it had been, but so far the experience is pushing me in almost every way...physically, emtionally, and mentally all in the same breath. There are some things I want to say, I want to express to people, but I can't because of where I am. There are some things that are private, that are my walls to climb; and there are some things I am more than happy to laugh about with fellow sojourners, things like the joys your bowels experience adjusting to new flora and fauna.

I guess some things you really can't prepare for...you just have to do them. It would be like trying to explain the color blue to someone who has never seen it before. It is just an ever shifting experience, and sometimes I can go through a whole range of emotions in one day...sometimes in a few hours.

In Buddhism we believe in the shunyata or emptiness of all things including the self. In my humble understanding of this concept I take it that our selves are nothing more than the pieces that make it up, the causes and conditions that have created this me, like the pieces of a complex 6 dimensional jigsaw puzzle. If that is the case then it's no wonder that an experience like this is life altering...so many old pieces are taking new shape, or getting replaced completly.

The End of the Lhasa Photos

I had meant to post these pictures earlier (um there was a Lhasa part 2 that never quite materialized...) but never got around to it. So here they are.

The thing about Lhasa is it is an amazing place and a beautiful place to take photos, but most of the places that you visit prohibit photos, or you have to pay a pretty penny for them (like by the room). With that said, you have seen what I came up with already, and here is the rest of it.

The first three pictures are left over from the Jokhong Temple.







The mountains in Lhasa have this amazing green lushness...


More Potala Pics...this is walking up the hill to the Potala which is like 13 stories and also sits on a hill above everything else...it takes a good walk to make it up












These are people working on the roof of the Potala in the traditional tibetan way, I wish I had a video, but if you have ever seen the movie Kundun you might have an idea of what I am talking about.


Ok these next shots are looking over Lhasa from different directions. This next one is from the Potala, and the picture after that is from the opposite direction from the top of Drepung Monastery. It is a wider angle version of one of my favorite pictures that I posted before (see Lhasa 2) that Diane was fortunate to point out to me. Here I am taking pictures like a big tourist and I almost missed the best one out of the batch!!




If you took the next four pictures and laid them side by side you would get the view from Drepung.










I remember this picture because it was coming out of this room whose ceiling was stuffed with swords, axes, and spears from wars that tibetans fought against each other. The walls had gruesome murals with dripping blood, skeletons, heads on stakes and other morbid visions.




Although I mentioned that photography is prohibited without paying some of the large temples have high ceilings and windows you can see into from the 2nd floor. As I was not inside the temple, I took the liberty of taking a few snaps... These tangkas are humongous and hang from the ceiling.










When you enter tibetan temples you almost always see murals of the 4 guardian kings...this is one of them.






See...big tangkas...


This is at Sera Monastery, there is a hermitage way up on the hill that you can see. Diane decided to hike up there and dragged our tour guide with her. They didn't quite make it but it was a valient effort.


The fun thing about going to Sera is you can watch the monks debate all afternoon. I have a really cool video of this, but it is too big to send online. It is quite surreal, all these monks standing around, debating arguing, laughing...then there are lots of tourist and foreigners standing around snapping pictures of them.




There is a whole form to the debate, it reminded me of a pitcher in baseball. Here you can see the windup before the delivery.






And here is the pitch... each time they do this they smack the right hand against the left, and challenge the other to respond. Sometimes when they get going there are a few smacks in rapid succession.


Well what is your answer???

"Homesickness and this whole process of moving and growing is hard. Fun, and interesting, but hard. I imagine both my siblings are stuggling right now. We are all trying to find our place in this world. And we are all away from home and all the comforts we know. I am dying to sit on the couch and chill out with a coffee and my family. But, the grass is aways greener on the other side.

The other strange thoughts that cross my mind are how much our lives are changing and going to change without each other. In some ways we are no longer part of each others lives, except for letters, emails, and the rare phone call.Yet I feel this is a test of time and faith. If I don't hear from my brothers for 3 months or 8 years, does that mean that I don't love them? They don't love me? or God isn't watch over us? Faith takes a lot of faith." - Elizabeth Schecter

So I finally got to read my sister's blog...very impressed, you should check it out...I have a link for it on my sidebar. So I am reading it and I says to myself..."hmm you arn't the only one with some of these feelings." which by the way is something that will save you a lot of money on pyschotherapy...that's the gist of what they are going to tell you. That's my tip of the day, you don't have to pay me.

Well, although I do somewhat agree with elizabeth, I have my own comments based on my own beliefs and thoughts. First all these feelings are a fabrication, a pure fabrication based on this thing we create called the ego. Does this make it any easier?? Not really, but for me, if I remind myself of that fact it does, even if I don't understand it in the same way as someone with some real wisdom does. This is the real condition, that people meet and then part. To me a big part of my practice (and something that I am still really struggling with) is being able to say "yes, this is the way things are and I accept them without clinging." When I left I realized that there was a possibility that I might never see anyone ever again. Is this sad? Yes. Does it mean that I won't pursue these things that I want to do? NO.

As it says in the 37 Bodhisattva Practices:
"One day old and dear friends will separate, goods and riches obtained by great effort will be left behind. Consciousness, a guest of the body, this temporary dwelling, will depart. From this moment on, to renounce all attachment to this life is a practice of the bodhisattva."

Although I would not dare to pretend that I am even close to actually practicing this teaching, it is something I strive to live because it is simply the way things are.

Second, isn't it funny how when we were around these people that we now so desperetly miss that we probably neglected them, got moody and wanted to spend time with ourselves, watching television or in some other way that we wish that we hadn't done now? Absence makes the heart grow stronger as the saying goes and we never realize the simple things that we cherished until they are gone. To paraphrase Vanilla Sky... in the elevator scene "It's the small things that mean the most."

I was talking to a guy that recently arrived here from the US, and he was relating to me that there is some sort of curve, between being happy to be in a new place, then homesick, then frustrated, then ok again...this repeats for a while. While I would like to say that I am past the first circuit, there are new things which crop up and yet as Hugh said your loved ones shield you from bad times with the memories of the good.

My own difficulties lately have been with Diane leaving. This has been harder for us than I think we realized. It has made me very thoughtful, and I have to be strong in my goals and the reasons I have for coming here. It is very difficult to give up selfish indulgence for the greater benefit of others, not to mention that I am pitifully weak at my renunciation and not good at ignoring the feelings in my heart.

Yesterday I was fortunate to spend several hours talking to loved ones, and that made me feel really good. Today I will start teaching, and also I start my tibetan lessons today. As I walked to the gym this morning I reminded myself of my goals, and of my resolve to reach them despite the adversities I face. And the words of Ricky also rang in my ears "it's ok to take small steps forward."

Something that often helps me is to sit back and realize how far I have come, and how much has changed. I often ask myself "what was I doing one year ago? Two years?" when I put these things in perspective the road gets easier for me to tread. I also try to think of how long I have been wandering without liberation, as an animal, in hell, as a god with no difficulties, as a person with no interest in bettering myself...and I try to remember the precious opportunity that I now possess, that as long as I am breathing I have time on my side, and that I can benefit others as well as myself in immesurable ways.

Beautiful Amdo

So as I promised, I figured I would post some more photos for y'all. This batch is from our excusrion to Quinghai Lake, a beautiful place to visit. It was the first real opportunity we had to get out of the city and see the countryside, which I think is one of the best parts of China...in the China there is noise, dirt, foul odors...in the country it is like another world...untouched is a good word for it. This is a friend of ours, who may end up being my tibetan tutor. He is a Lama and drove us to the Lake. Most of the pictures speak for themselves, you may actually find them boring, but my Mom wants to see where I am, and the fact is, the country is very beautiful.













Sorry I don't have a zoom lense...there are lots of sheep grazing on that hill.















Yakety yak...





Something you would never see in America!!


So I don't think those needed words, the landscape speaks for itself. So when you get out into the tibetan countryside what do you eat you might ask??? Well tsampa of course!! Below you can see yak cheese, barley flour, sugar and yak butter. Now the yak is a blessing for tibetans, not only can it survive in the cold and high elevation but its butter and cheese don't require refrigeration. I don't quite care for the cheese myself, but a little extra sugar does the trick. It takes some practice but you take some butter tea, throw your flour cheese butter and sugar in and mix that puppy by hand. As you can see there is a definate technique and it's a bit messy at first. When you have little balls of dough enjoy...




Quinghai Lake...






Next time...Lhasa and the stupa above Xining

This Life...the Bittersweet Symphony

Well thanks for all the love...it's funny because I was having a hard time and the kind words have come out of the woodwork, so thanks. It's also awesome that people seem to like the pictures I took in Lhasa...it's a beautiful place right? Don't worry I have more on the way, I'll probably get around to that this week.

Honestly, yes right now is a little difficult for me. Someone that I care for deeply is gone, and it's hard. Do I have attachments to let go of? Yeah, but that doesn't mean that I still can't have feelings, I just have to be able to let them go, as is the natural way of things.

In it's wake leaves new opportunities, and I am trying to stay optimistic. I really have struggled with renunciation...real renunciation in the last few years and I still don't know which side of me will win out. I have this strong desire to do long retreats, to do my 3 year retreat and does give myself to the yogis life. On the other hand I can not deny that I have desires and attachments to some very worldly things.

I was recently listening to a Dharma teaching on cd from Garchen Rinpoche and he was quoting Milarepa..that there is no liberation seperate from giving up self grasping...that merely giving up self grasping is liberation in itself. The profundity of this continues to rattle around in my head. I can't speak for everyone, but I know I have the tendency to take really simple things, which are profound enough...they do not need eleaboration, and turn them into these big lofty castles in the sky instead of just accepting the simple truths of them.

It makes me think of the Alchemist, which I recently read. Yes the treasure you are searching for is right under your nose the whole time, but you have to go through the journey anyway, because you don't believe the simple truth when told...that we are Buddhas, that liberation is in the palm of my hand, that this whole thing around us is completly and uterly fabricated.

As a recovering drug addict it also makes me think of something I have discovered, that often we are more content to sit in our shit than to actually take the effort to clean ourselves off. This occurs on a few different levels, and the finer you go the more subconscious it becomes I think. On a gross level there is addiction, or not doing anything about the unhappines with your career or your spouse...but on a subtle level it is true happiness that may be too difficult to achieve. Yeah I would rather sit here and read a book than actually do something about my situation.

SO yes, the present is gone...in fact it may never have been there in the first place. Already there are new things fillling in old voids, like the unceasing rhythm of the ocean. I begin teaching again next week, and my search for a tutor is basically complete. I am also working on starting some sort of non-profit to benefit the kids over here.

Every day is a gift, one which we decide to squander or treasure, and I think in Buddhism we learn that even the bad times have lessons and jewels hidden within them. It's like Jason Lee says in one of my favorite movies, Vanilla Sky "cuz the sweet just ain't so sweet without the sour."

Pictures next time, I promise...till then here's a few to munch on

Cheers


isn't Amdo beautiful?? i took these on the way to Quinghai Lake



since I will begin teaching soon, here are a few pics from the summer course I taught...

Lhasa part 2

Lhasa part 1

Well these are the first pictures, they pretty much cover the first 2 days in Lhasa.

This first picture I took driving into Lhasa city, the airport is about an hour's drive away. They recently finished a tunnel that goes under a mountain that cuts the drive almost in half.








We stopped here on the way in, it is one of the oldest survivng rock carvings in Tibet. I added the second picture so you can see how tall I am standing in front of it.

You are supost to throw khatas up on the rock and depending how high it goes says how good or long your life will be.























Having lunch at this cool spot in the Bahkor, which is both a pilgrimage circuit around the Jokong Temple and the old Lhasa quarter and one the biggest marketplaces in the city, well basically that I have seen in China. You can find anything remotly Buddhist, from horns to masks to gigantic prayer wheels (I bought one of those)

Anyway we had lunch at this really cool restataurant that had a patio that over looked the Bahkor below and I took a lot of neat pics. These are just a few.


















I don't know why, people were cracking up because I bouht a prayer whell about this size, and I kept saying "hey I keep seeing these old women with them, why can't I have one."

Some people just don't understand me.









There are a sea of people, sometimes you get carried along, and it's very easy to get lost. It's also very beautiful...so many monks and pilgrims, and people just out for their koras, spinning their wheels, turning their malas chanting the mani.

Amazing.







This is in front of the Johkong, the holiest temple in Tibet. Usually there are more poeple, but it had just stopped raining.

Unfortunetly you have to pay for photography inside so I don't have too many pictures.

But there are few below!!

Message In a Bottle

I have been so busy lately, and I feel bad that I haven't had time to get to posting..especially since I have so many pictures and I am totally falling behind in posting them. At the moment I am trying to dump old pictures off the camera to make way for new ones. It's hard to believe that 600 pictures could go so fast but it sure it a time consuming process getting them all down.

So thanks for looking is what I am getting around to. I know I know some of the folks that read this, but I don't know most of them and I am very humbled that people keeping coming around to check out what's up in the far east.



Anyway I titled my post from one of my favorite Police songs. If you know the song, it's about loneliness and alienation, but coming to realize that you arn't the only one that has these feelings , that we are all looking for a home. I think this applies to me right now as I am having some difficulties here, I know some people very close to me are also having difficulties and my heart goes out to all of them.

My sister just moved to Israel, which as I have quickly found out from my experience is not an easy thing to do (relocating to another continent).
Also they have all that craziness going on with the whole Gaza thing and that has got to be a bit unsettling, regardless of where you stand on the issue.

Next is my best friend Ricky, who has gone through some major drama lately with his family. I know it is testing him quite a bit, because he can handle a lot of shit and for him to be remarking that it is difficult describes the severity of the situation.

And I saved the most important for last. My Grandfather and my Mother have both been unwell, my Grandfather recently having surgery and my Mom having some fibro related difficulties.

It is frustrating to be so far away from all of these people, to be 12 hours away and not have the ability to communicate very quickly or thoroughly with them. So what can I do, say prayers, and good thoughts for them.

Fortunetly I just came back from Lhasa, which is a good place to say some prayers. Unfortunetly, I am so far behind that I haven't had a chance to post pictures of Quinghai Lake, or my magical encounter with the Lama above the city, let alone the pictures I have of Lhasa.

My own difficulties I guess are quite trivial in the larger scope of things, one of them is just being here, I am homesick, and knowing that I shouldn't be back on the US soild for at least 4 years doesn't make it any easier. Also Diane is leaving and she is my best friend here and has helped lighten the load from being here quite a bit.

The good news is that I get to buckle down, and get back on track. I resumed the search for a tutor today and need to get that taken care of and I also just need to practice. So much of what happened here has involved that practice that happens off the cushion, but I really need to get back on it. I am looking forward to some solitude and the opportunities that will bring with it.

I had some difficulties in Lhasa and this was one of my realizations, (well actually something that always becomes apparent when I think about it). Anyway there is a part of me that is looking for answers outside of myself, looking for a holy place, for a Shangrila , for a panacea which will soothe me internally and this just doesn't exist. Yes some places are a bit calmer than others but I have discovered I can be just as agitated in Hawaii, or in Lhasa as anyplace else. The moral of the story? That I need to get back to basics, and calm down internally, suit up and show up to use a different terminology.

Anyway, I promise next time I post it will be with a big bunch of pictures. Until then, TTFN and thanks for looking.

Cheers

Night Market

I am (finally) able to present a taste into one of my favorite parts of China. Many of the locals have told us not to go because of a few reasons, it is very dirty, and not always safe...someone I know had his wallet stolen there. But despite everything I love it there.

People are so friendly...most of them are drunk and it is actually dificult to refuse when they plop a cup down in front of you and want to have a drink. It is even more dificult since I can't speak chinese, and most of them don't understand too much english.
In China everyone stares at you. But at the night market you are totally on their turf and I think they respect that you venture into this strange surreal world of still moving seafood, 4 foot flames, beggars and beer.

Our friends above were a perfect example. It is actually dangerous for me to go to the market without Diane beacause I don't drink. These guys were so friendly, and just wouldn't take no for an answer. I ended up pretending to drink and then handing like 5 or 6 dixie cups of beer to Diane. People will share their food with you too.




I specificly wanted these photos to be really surreal, because this is the atmosphere at the night market...it's like you step into a world with in China.

Everything is fun here, you can buy things really cheap, people are drunk, staring at the foreigners...sometimes there is really weird stuff, like I saw a Joe Satrianni shirt last night.

It reminds me of a mideaval bazaar.

The market is actually 2 parts, there is a food market and a market for goods. there are other night markets too for food for cooking at home.



Everytime I pass this place it cracks me up.


















































































































































































This is my favorite guy. I usually eat at his spot, he is really friendly, although we dont speak a common language. He makes a spicy stew that is special to the province i am in with carrots, spinich, peppers, this weird kindof thin mushroom, potatos, this weird square noodle and meat. and as you can see to his left...kegs of beer for most of the folks.

We went last night and these really drunk guys sat down, they kept handing Diane beer, giving me ciggerettes and skewers of lamb. Like I said before, sometimes its a little dangerous for me...I had a sip because they really get offended sometimes if you dont drink with them.













































Diane and Dejitsu shopping for purses.

Just a Teaser...

Well I have lots more pictures, but I thought I would leave a teaser for my faithfull readers.

Behind me is Quinghai Lake, which is called a lake but really should be a sea. It is the biggest salt lake in China and takes a day to drive around it. There is a famous island known as Bird Island that we didn't go to because of Avian Flu and also b/c it takes 2.5 hours by boat to reach it.

Thanks to everyone for their kind words about the blog. More to come, just moved into my new apartment, going to Lhasa next week.

More pictures

Welcome once again to the fabulous world of Xining photos. I was very happy to hear from Elizabeth, apparently she is having more of a vacation than I am, but mine starts next week ;p. Anyway in honor of her photographic skills, here are a few more of mine...I hope you don't think they are too amateurish.

This is looking out the window of my apartment...whenever it isn't raining this is what you see during the day...


...and this is what it looks like in the morning.



The next 2 pics are great, this is the china i see everyday. i don't live in a tourist town...99% of the westerners here are english teachers or missionaries or both. there is a quick acid test to tell, you say hello. if they are friendly they are tourists or teachers or perhaps the occasional businessman...if they give you the cold shoulder they are missionaries. some may think I am exagerating or making something up but you don't live here, and I do so you'll have to take my world on it. Trust me I wouldn't joke about such things.

Anyway back to the photos...





This is on our street. The lady in the foreground cleaned our bathroom when we moved into our apartment, and she is really sweet. I always say hello to her.





Although this picture has been reduced in size there is a naked assed baby which still may be visable. This is something that may either repulse or humor you, that here the diaper has been exchanged for a hole in the pants...fortunetly only for babies.


Can you guess what this picture is about?







My amateur artishtic attempts...this is our kitchen








These pics are from a hotel I stayed in a few weeks ago...if you look at the night pictures from my last post you will notice that they are the same shots taken at different times.









Looking down at the People's Park.





Here are a few left over shots from the Tibetan Museum we visited.













This may be too dark to see, but his eyes were glowing in a very spooky way. The painting is of the Indian Mahasiddha Saraha.


Hope you enjoy, please keep in touch

sometimes my town looks like the love child of Bladerunner and Vegas

If you doubt it, check the pics...there is just some about the grime and the neon that screams Bladerunner to me.





Things continue to be a little stressed...I took some really cool pics at the night market that I can't wait to upload...they are very surreal and are very atmospheric, since the night market is a bit on the surreal side.

I will be done with teachign in a week and plan on heading out of the city to do some travelling. Heart of Tibet, several Monestaries and Quinghai Lake are a few spots on the itinerary. I guess I will have to dump some of my photos...I am down to just 200 left on my camera!!

Yesterday I had an amazing day...we hiked up to the stupa on the top of one of the mountains and met a disciple of Garchen Rinpoche. He started pulling out a these pictures of different Lamas and the monks that I know stateside. It was very trippy and reafirmed the whole karma thing once again. I took a few good pics there also.

My emotions and my stomach continue to be thrown through loops here. We have all been sick for the last few days, a weird bug that sometimes feels like food poisoning but is really a fluish bug.

Emotionally I am a bit wrecked. I came here to help kids and continue to be involved in beurocratic b.s. I have had to walk out on my own, out from the security of those who helped me get here because the people on this end have said one thing and then acted in an entirely different way. Meanwhile I just want to help and I have not given up on that.

I've got to get out of this computer lab, but hopefully I'll have a chance to put up some more pics in the next few days.

if i may rant for just a minute...

yes of course i can, it's my blog, and i can cry if i want to.

so i have been wasting time on myspace, yes i know it's a waste of time but i do it anyway. i have actually connected with some old friends and it's a neat way to keep in touch with people or engage in online flirting but really, yes it's a waste of time.

the funny thing is that sometimes when i am bored i will go to one friend's page, then click on someone on their page, then just keep clicking until i hit someone completly random and get an insight into their lives. and so far what i have found are a bunch of egocentric partypeople whose ambition in life seems to be going out and getting drunk, getting as much money as possible and spending it on stupid shit like shoes and versache sunglasses.

a little annoyed??? yes i know it's petty, it's judgemental, it's not the Buddhist thing to do. well i guess sometimes i am not a very good person. maybe it's because i used to be that way and to see so many people shallowly wasting their lives without a care in the world the way i used to do makes me sad. maybe it's because i am in china, a place where the dollar is 8 times more valuable than the native currency, a place where that pair of sunglasses or those designer shoes would feed and house someone for a month. wheres the justice in all of that??

a little petty, sure. but hey i think i deserve a little pettyness every once in a while. i teach kids that are struggling to make something of themselves...to learn english is a lifeline. maybe they can be translators, or tourguides or maybe they can just get a job. these are people who probably will never see this golden land of opportunity, where people practically wipe their own asses with their money and piss hundreds of dollars away on a night of drunken debachury so that they don't have to feel bored.

so yeah, maybe i do feel a little judgemental. and yes i know not everyone is like that. and living here i know it's not just westerners who are rich and spending money in silly ways. i guess it just frustrates me sometimes. it is frustrating to think of the number of people in the world who basically only care about themsleves, and would rather walk over their fellow man in the gutter. but where is the solution?? how can people change, or how can you change people? is it possible?

more importantly, can i have compassion for those who i look down upon morally, and can i take myself off of my highhorse and realize that i am wrong to be judgemental? that perhaps they are doing the same thing that we are all doing...trying to be happy and avoid feeling bad, that perhaps they don't have the same tools in their belt that others have?

who knows.rant over.

Thoughts from Asia, minor grumblings, and random reactions

So far I am really happy with the way the blog has been going. It's seems that the readers are also enjoying themselves and for that I thank you...after all it's for you to enjoy.

I have now gotten myself settled in. I have an apartment but will be moving in the next month or so and I have 2 more weeks of teaching english during the holiday. Then the fall term starts September 1st. In the interim I plan on travelling to a few places and I think I will begin planning these excusions in the next few days. As Biggie said "and if you don't know now you know..." Those in the loop know a little more details about what has been happening but this is not the time or place to discuss it publicly...not to mention it's a long story and will probably make me a bit annoyed and worked up if I start thinking about it!!

Things are a little strained, but can you imagine? Living in a strange land on another continent, with an entirely different culture and way of life. I mean it's even 12 hours time difference from what I am used to...literally night and day!! Not to mention the language barrier. But it's all good, we all deal with it in our own ways, the most important of them being acceptance.

All of my friends seem to be getting a kick out of me being a little G'd up here and have been asking about it. The funny thing is that EVERYONE stares at you here, so I figured I might as well embrace it a little. The other thing is that right before I left America I watched the Ressurection film about Tupac and honestly it had a bit of an effect. I have always loved him as an artist...but I felt that the movie gave a lot of insight to him as a person and a look into the true meaning of Thug Life. So I guess I have decided to embrace a little thug life myself. LOL for those who really know what that means, cool....those who don't are going to hate and draw their own conclusions anyway. Lastly it is just my way of clowning around. Sometimes it gets a bit stressed around here, and you need a way to blow off some steam...what can I say?


I finally have a phone, which is great, and I can't wait to get into my new place. They have amazing phones here, models I have never seen in the US. Like the razor phone from Motorola..they have a version 3 here. The funny thing it costs more than a moped...go figure.

Ricky asked about people riding bikes...not too many people do it around here. There are cars (a few), taxis (muy), motorcycle cabs and people that have these hybrid moto trikes that are usually used to haul things around.

It's funny because I could probably write for hours about things that you see here that you don't see in the US. For example the people who sell produce on the street...if they are selling a small product they usually can sell it out of a wagon or the back of a trike, but there are people who sell watermelons who just have a huge stock and camp out until they are all sold. There is a family that has been outside of my building for the last week...they have sleeping bags, booze, tea, a little table and lamps. It's pretty bizarre, especially when you are walking home at night and they are asleep with their goods.





Joan asked about this picture, and I figured I would answer. Although these animals are generally considered auspicious by tibetans, there are meditation manuals on shamatha meditation that use these animals to symbolize the stages of mental development as one progresses in meditation.

Before beginning mental training and in the beginning stages the mind is compared to a raging elephant...almost impossible to control, going where it pleases and generally obtuse.

As you train the mind in calm abiding, it will become like a monkey...it still runs all over the place and is difficult to control, but if you give it an object of focus you may be able to hold its attention for a brief amount of time. This is equivalent to shamatha with a focus such as the breath or an image.

Next is the rabbit. The mind has achieved some stability in calm abiding but still needs the right conditions, such as a quiet place to practice and an absence of distractions otherwise it will bolt and run off...much like a disturbed rabbit. However you may experience brief moments of calm when there is nothing to bother you.

Lastly the mind is like a bird...free to fly without limitations. This is the realization of Mahamudra or Dzogchen where the mind has no boundaries and constantly stays in the presence of calm abiding and its true nature.

Of course if you look at the diagrams there are many stages and the last 2 animals do not appear for a pretty long time. The animals first appear colored all black, and as the stages progress become white until they are fully "pure".

This is only my own recollection and is extremely poor at best. Since I really don't have any qualifications to explain this I urge you to consult a qualified source such as a Lama for more information. All mistakes or inaccuracies are purely my own fault. I really don't have any idea what I am talking about, but like a parrot I can sometimes recite things that I have heard in the past...but it's better to talk to someone who has some sort of experience and credentials.

In regards to practice, I have been trying to find time to do the formal stuff, but just being here is a practice in patience and tolerance at the very least...and I am not always succesful. But when I have been able to sit down and do some formal meditation it has been really great, I think there are different vibes here in China/Tibet , this holy place I have the privaledge of residing in. I really can't wait to get out of the city into some rural areas and feel the energy there!

Anyway, more to come...I have a new batch of pictures ready to post, but I will wait until next time to share them. Until then stay tuned true believers.

Pictures from the Park

Welcome back... I was able to upload a few more pics, but I am definetly taking them faster than I can upload and post them...which is a good thing I suppose.

Basically these pictures are from a trip we took last weekend to the Phoenix Park. It overlooks the city and many people go there to relax and have picnics. I only had time to upload a few, but I'm sure what's here will give you a little flava.













Not that I try to be all touristy, but I do enjoy taking random pictures of people just living their lives. People in the East are very "people" oriented as opposed to the West where we are "event" oriented. So you get neat things in the city like old folks playing mah jong and chinese chess in their neighborhoods on the sidewalk and people just lounging for picnics all day. I am told that during the summer in the grasslands almost everyone who isn't workig goes to hang out, have picnics, make friends etc.







Here's a nice photo...I know it's not as good as my sister's photgraphy, but I enjoy myself and that's what's important. Maybe if I buy a zoom lense I can really go to work.



Since we went with our tibetan class, we were honored guests at a reception at the museum at the top of the park. Here are a few snaps from the museum.

Your's truly enjoying himself...



a very old thangka of Jigten Sumgon, with Phagmo Drupa and Chakrasamvara on top, Achi Choki Drolma and the disiples on bottom and events from the life of Ratnashri at the sides. It was a really beautiful work...



here's a very old Drikung hat. It made me think of my precious Lamas and how grateful I am to be accepted by them into their mandala.






This is only a few pictures and I hope to get some more time in the next week to upload more.

In the meantime I am going to do a seperate written post about what's happening and to answer some questions people posted.

don't forget the hype...live from xining

Welcome to the first installment of my photo journal of Xining. I am excited to be able to share these since this was the reason I started the blog in the first place. To the delight of many, I am the OG of Xining...lol somedays being stupid is the only way to survive. That tangka behind me cost me less than $25.

Like I mentioned before Xining has a population of about 3 million people. We are in the Quinghai province which on a map is about central China, but it is on the edge of the industrialized portion of the country...past us is the wildlands.

Sometimes I just like to take random pictures of people and things in the city...so that's what most of the first few pictures are. After that are some pictures from our visit to Kunbum Monestary. Any questions let me know and please dont mention anything sensitive since I am still here.

This is the main intersection in downtown...the city is kind of grid-like so this is where things intersect. Note the KFC in the backround. On all four sides you have to climb stairs to cross the street...it's about the only place in the city where people don't randomly wade out into traffic to cross...it's also one of the only stop lights.


Somehow I captured an empty shot...it's a miracle and I'm still not sure what happened. On 2 sides are big department stores and on another side is the post office. The internet cafe where I am typing this is 1/2 a block away and our apartment is about 10 minutes walk.



Just a few random snapshots from different places around town....








I took these a few days ago on the way to a noodle shop.










Side walk commerce...there is a lot of this as well as markets and freemarkets where lots of individual sellers gather.


This is a shot walking down the alleys of one of the freemarkets.


This is a picture I took the first morning we woke up here ...it's looking down on the street from my hotel room.



At dinner with our students and friends...

It was at this neat tibetan restaurant. They gave us a private room but when you eat downstairs there are dancers and singers and most of the people there get up and dance around the room with them. I didn't have my camera that night though.


The rest of the pictures are taken at Kunbum. You go for about 30 minutes by bus and it's really beautiful outside of the city.



They have traditional tibetan outfits that people can wear for pictures. Here is Diane with our guides.






This is the circuit outside of the Kalachakra mandala temple which was one of my favorite places there.


and my favorite temple...can you see who that is???




Our guides said these are good luck animals but I explained that these are used to sybolize the mind as you progress in meditation. Meditation is explained as taming the elephant mind and slowly refining it into a bird...free to fly away.


This temple was being rebuilt.






People prostrating outside of the temple with the stupa of Tsongkhapa who founded the Gelug order.



So there you have it...the first round is done...it's a lot of work and I hope you enjoy them. Please keep in touch and I hope to have some more goodies for you soon.

Cheers

What you are eating is not Chinese Food...

At the urging of my family let me tell you about food here. First of all I have yet to see some Orange Chicken or some pork fried rice.

The food here is pretty good. We have been eating twice a day, usually noodles for lunch and dishes for dinner. The noodle shops are dank. Today I ate Gampan, which is like spaghetti with a meat gravy. You can also get this served as a soup with a spicy broth. I like Mein Pien which is small square noodles and zuccini and peppers but the noodles are kind of difficult for me to pick up since they are so small.

The dishes are real good, some are spicy some are sweet. You can also go to dumpling shops and there are tibetan restaurants.

No forks, so I am quickly learning how to use chopsticks, much to the amusement of our friends.

The best thing is the price...today my huge plate of Gampan was like 4 kai which is about .50 cents.

In other news...

We have been doign a lot of shopping in the last couple of days, stuff for our apartment mostly. Yesterday I found a great Rolex knockoff and I figured I would buy it since it was about $12. So don't tell anyone. There are all kinds of stores, malls, night markets and freemarkets which are kind of like swapmeets. I am also told there is an international market which I would like to see.

Our apartment is kind of ghetto to say the least, but when in Rome... At least it is pretty secure, there are bars on the windows and you have to go through 2 front doors to get in. It still needs a good cleaning and maybe a whole new bathroom before it feels like home.

I guess this is one of the difficulties we are having. My assesment of the situation is that we are at an optimal negotiation with the people we are working with, however we still lack several important things like a shower and just from talking to people I know that some of the other schools pay more. But I feel like this is the right place to be based on the help that I have already received. On the other hand it is nice to have a safety net incase something goes wrong with the situation as it now stands.

Moving into the apartment will solve another slight difficulty (I hope)...since we 3 don't speak the language we have tended to be attached at the hip...and this can be a bit strained sometimes when you are talking about people that don't know each other at all. It's difficult enough needing someone to order food for you or to show you where to buy a blanket for your bed but I can't cry about the way I wish it was, I need to deal with the way it is. I think this will settle itself as we go on picking things up and getting adjusted but it is difficult somedays.

I am happy with the way things are going for the most part and I am looking forward to beginning lessons next week. This will fill up a lot of downtime obviously and it wil help me establish the routine I am already getting into. There is another park near the apartment where I can do dips and pullups and they also have a basketball court. Who knows maybe I can even find a gym. Since I have a private place now I can get back into my spiritual practice routine as well.

Some things are very difficult...things like noise, traffic (where the horn is used excessivly) and people staring at you whereever you go (now I know why celebrities dislike papparatzi...why is it exciting to watch me shop for a pillow?). On the other hand I think my Mom was right when she said that roughing it on the farm with Gramp would get me prepared for roughing it on the other side of the globe because believe me I would much rather have the outhouse than our bathroom.

Anyway in the words of that old song I will survive and it will probably seem like a paradise when I return. I just needed to vent a little bit so don't think I am just tearing my hair out...you just have to take the sweet with the sour.

Mi Familia

So I had some extra time so here are some old pics of people I miss over here across the ocean. I really hope to get the uploading situation handled soon so I can post the new pics I have of Kunbum etc.





these were all good times, ones that i carry in my heart.

China chapter 2

Well so far so good. The only blogging problem is that I haven't figured out where or how to put pictures....and I have quite a few. Also I had to jimmyrig a way around to actually view my blog and I am kind of sad since it doesn't look like I can access Ricky's or Elizabeth's blog.

Yesterday was really amazing, we went to Kunbum Monastary which is about an hours bus ride from our hotel. It is a really important monastary to the Gelupa school and I felt honered to be able to visit. There are about 20 different temples you can walk around in, and they are all really amazing.

I especially liked the Kalachakra temple where there is a permanent mandala built and amazing frescos of Tara and Kalachakra painted on the wall, with beautiful statues in the corners of Maitreya and 1000 armed Chenrezig. The energy in there was really intense.

I felt really happy to visit the Long Life temple so soon after the retreat. I said a few Amitayus mantras for sentient beings. One of the other people I was with said she had the strangest feeling of dejavu that she had been there before and I got a kick out of that...she probably had been!!!

The Tara temple may have been my favorite and I spent a while offering prostrations there. There were so many thangkas of different Taras many that I had never seen before. It was very much like the Green Tara sadhana when it talks about different colors, numbers of arms and wrathful Taras. There were several 4 armed semi wrathful Taras, but not the one I was familiar with!

It was pretty awe inspiring to think that I was in this place that was older than america. They were even rebuilding several of the temples which was interesting to watch and very detailed.

China is very different and some things are a little difficult to get used to. Like driving...it's basically controlled chaos. Half the time you are sure you are going to crash...there are almost no rules...I think I have seen one place with a stoplight where people actually stop. No stopping on right turns and left turns also if you can get away with it. the buses are pretty fun too.

I wasn't sure how big of a place we would be in...well Xining has about 3 million people in it. There are so many places to shop...that's what we have been doing today. There are night markets and whole streets with outdoor stalls, and different kinds of food and pastries. Things are pretty cheap too...i bought a nice mala and bell and vajra @ the monastary for the equivalent of less than 20 dollars.

Despite what I thought we are eating really well. The custom is to order too much food much to my chagrin...I am wondering how they eat so much and stay so thin here. I found a little public workout area about 3 blocks from the hotel we are at and I have been going there to do pullups and dips in the morning as i have decided to get back into shape. No gym so I have to go old skool... pushups, situps etc. I am really sore.

People everywhere stare at you and it's understandable...I have only seen about a half dozen other non asians since I got here and most of them are also english teachers. But I have learned a few chinese words and i usually just smile and say hello in chinese. Today in the mall I said hello to a monk and these tibetan guys and it turned out one of them was a famous tibetan musician...they wanted to take pictures with us and they gave me a poster. It was pretty funny.

Speaking of teaching we will be starting next week...we are basically teaching a summer school class then going to Yu Shu for a tibetan horse festival which should be pretty cool. After we get back it will be pretty intensive between english teaching and tibetan learning. I am also considering some extra tutoring for chinese because everyone speaks it here and it certainly would make things easier.

Things are both simultaneously exciting and frightening...but I think as time goes by it gets better. But all of the people that we have met from the school have been really cool to us...without them I think we would be lost, where to go what to order how much to pay etc. I hope maybe someday they will come to the u.s. so I can take them around and return the hospitality!

Most of all I am really grateful and appreciative for the help we have gotten from back home because without them we would have been in a much lower position for negotiation with the school, but that is a whole other story I don't feel like getting into right now.

Anyway everyone is waiting for me to leave so I am going to bounce...time for some noodles.

p.s. there is no english spell check on this computer so my appologies

I dont think we're in Kansas anymore...

So I made it... I am in lovelyXining.

I am really happy that the flight is over because it was pretty brutal. It wasn't just the flying, it was the down time between. Besides from being physically dificult, it was pretty much without problems or incif\dents. I met my companions in Seoul, ate a nice Korean breakfast and then was off for Beijing. I was a little worried about this part of the journey but it went off without a hitch.

Anyway Beijing is a lot like NY in the weather, and the driving in China is crazy...it's like controlled chaos, I was very happy to have a cab.

So now I am in Xining and I have to go and talk to the people in the school. I will write more later when I have more time....and I have to figure out how to put pics up.

peeps stay up and don't forget the hype

Back from Retreat

Just some quick thoughts, since I have so many other things to do today!!

The retreat is over, and it was amazing. I am constantly in awe, and so grateful for the karmic seeds which continue to sprout around me. Perhaps a few have been watered by my own meager efforts, but I am convinced that I have behaved a lot better in a previous life than I have been so far in this one to be where I am right now. I owe so much to the kindness of the Lamas I have been privileged to meet, and I know that I won't let them down.

I'm not really sure where to begin, and what I want to share, some things that have happened in the last couple weeks will be kept in my heart. It has been nice to have the opportunity to take some time out, and now there is a growing crest of the next adventure about to crash down on me.

First I received teachings from the Sutrayana...Shantideva Chapter 5 to be more specific ( I added a link to the text on the sidebar). Khenpo Sherab Ozer Rinpoche is such an amazing Lama and a wonderful teacher. Shantideva is a text that you can read over and over and still not grasp, although you will continue to learn something every time...the key (for me) is actually applying it.


After we finished chapter 5 it was off to the Tantric vehicle with a Amitayus empowerment and then to retreat. The retreat was really excellent, really good meditations, and (as Khenpo said) not any major obstacles...although maybe a few minor ones like an amateur heavy metal concert over the next hill on Saturday night. But really I think it is in the face of adversity that the Lama's qualities really shine. As we all sat kind of squirming and trying to focus on our visualization with the noise, he wrote this beautiful little teaching about the emptiness of sound and passed it around for us. Light rays of wisdom really do shine from him.

I just feel blessed and very happy...to be able to practice the Dharma and do retreat, to be able to spend time with my Lama , and old friends and to make new ones!



And now my little Dharma vacation is over and the rest of my life continues, but with fewer obstacles thanks to the Amitayus Practice. I am very excited to think in less than one week I will be on another continent. I have to study hard because the program for Translators starts in September 2006, and I think a baptism by fire living with Tibetans will be just what I need. It's just a weird feeling because I know my life is about to radically change, but I just don't even know what to expect so I am not trying...I am just going with the flow. But it is exciting.

Honestly I feel like I could write a lot more, but I really should get going so maybe I will let my thoughts and reflections marinate a bit and try and do one last post before I leave for China on Friday. And I am really excited to do that, after all that was the reason I started the blog in the first place...as a journal from Asia, and here I feel like I have filled up so much empty space already!!

Another day, another great teaching from Khenpo on Shantideva.

Something that Rinpoche says often is that you need to have the opportunities to practice...in other words you can't practice patience if you are sitting around in your empty house with no distractions and no one to make you upset. You need an opportunity to apply the antidotes to your afflictive emotions in order to see if you've "got it".

Tonight provided an interesting example. I was still basking in the afterthought of the evening's teachings on Shantideva Chapter 5 @ the Dharma Center where I am staying when a homeless gentleman entered and said he needed to go to a hospital. In my opinion, the problem of homelessness is a moral conundrum. For instance this man said that he was having health problems from alcohol. I have spent most of my life in Los Angeles, and 3 years working in the bowels of downtown where there is a huge homeless problem. It is very sad to see so many people who have given up, who have given in to their mental problems &/or chemical dependencies.

As a Buddhist it is especially puzzling. Is it better to give someone money when they ask because at that moment they are undergoing intense suffering (which is only going to be temporarily relieved) and practice generosity, or is it more compassionate to deny the person that money that they will use to buy drugs or alcohol? Someone told me once that once you have offered money what they do with it is no concern of yours, nor are you creating negative karma by giving it to them. On the other hand enabling an addict isn't helpful...but denying them a dollar isn't going to make the problem go away.

Now I am not saying that I know what they do with the money on every occasion, I am merely speaking from experience. I have had people who are constantly begging for money for something to eat turn down perfectly good food. For a while I carried a few extra sandwiches because if someone approached me asking for money for food and I gave them food then there was no danger for misappropriation.

So as this particular episode was playing out this evening and I attempted to handle the situation skillfully, a few of the verses which Khenpo taught on popped up in my mind.

"56. Un-distressed by the mutually incompatible desires of foolish people, endowed with compassion, knowing that they are like this as a consequence of the arising of their mental afflictions,
57. Always resorting to irreproachable things for the sake of myself and others, I will maintain my mind free of pride, like an apparition."

As Khenpo likes to say, Bodhichitta is not easy. But I prostrate to the one who gives me the opportunity to try and apply it, and pray that he and all other sentient beings who are suffering are liberated swiftly.

Today's Musings

"Although I am speaking as a Buddhist teacher, I do not believe that therapy should be divided into categories....If you work in the Buddhist style, it is just common sense. If you work in the Western style, that is common sense, too. Working with others is a question of being genuine and projecting that genuineness to others. The work you do doesn't have to have a title or a name particularly. It is just being ultimately decent. Take the example of the Buddha himself -- he wasn't a Buddhist!" -Chogyam Trungpa

I saw this quote and it kind of sparked me onto the train of thought I was following yesterday. Of course Trungpa says it much better than I did!

Also I was laughing quite a bit about a comment left in response to yesterday's post "you can take the gangsta out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the gangsta."

I think this is only partially true. I think it's more like there are echoes of the past rippling around in the mind...some that have been completely forgotten and show up at some strange time, set off by some stimuli. Some are more apparent, and some are almost constantly present. But like it says in the 37 Bodhisattva Practices "when harmful places are abandoned, disturbing emotions gradually diminish." They don't disappear, they diminish with effort and antidotes, so I have lots of disturbing emotions, emotional baggage, and karmic tolls to pay...

In the 4 Noble Truths the Buddha taught that suffering is caused by clinging to desire and to the self. That in order to end suffering you must cease clinging. So I think this is important. To realize how much I cling, and to see that I don't have to cling...that I can remove the hood from the gangsta, so to speak.


This is the case in the life story of Milarepa, one of my spiritual idols. Milarepa started out as a black magician who killed many people, but later repented and became the most famous yogi in all history (except for maybe Jesus) and also gained liberation and Buddhahood in that one life...even after all the negative karma he had accrued by killing others.

Now I'm not saying it's easy. Last night I watched part of this Grateful Dead concert/docuentary on PBS. It was odd watching people on the drugs I used to enjoy so much. The experiences that I thought were taking me to a higher level, to some sort of cosmic wisdom if you will. Honestly, it kind of made me miss it...that feeling of detachment. I was thinking about how long it has been since I've had that altered brain kind of a feeling. But that doesn't mean I will go back to it.

The point I think I'm trying to make is that this life is about choices. Milarepa said if you want to know how you will be in the future, look at what you are doing right now. Yes we are conditioned by our past experiences, just like I am with drugs and djing. But at the same time I can decide to leave these things behind in order to pave the way for something different. The first stage of the path is renunciation, giving up that clinging for self. This is my experience and something I continue to struggle with. However that struggle is part of the reason for this journey and the determinations that I have made to myself will only become evident with the actions behind it.

Amitayus
Originally uploaded by elric121.

I am getting very excited, only 2 more shifts left slinging cappacinos. Today was the busiest day I have worked yet...and even though I worked my ass off I did pretty good in tips.

Almost everyone in Elbridge has been really nice, and I have enjoyed the experience of working there very much.

There is good stuff coming up in the near future. Khenpo Sherab Ozer Rinpoche is coming back to Rochester, and I am looking forward to seeing him very much. He was the one who facilitated my trip to China, and he has been helpful beyond description. He will be teaching in Rochester on Shantideva's Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life (see link on sidebar)which is a very important Buddhist text, and is a great overview of Mahayana Buddhism for those who want to learn about it. It is a beautiful profound treatise, written in pithy poetic verse.

After that he is leading a closed week long retreat which I am attending. This will be the longest official retreat I have done, and from the schedule looks to be quite intense!! I am stoked. The picture above is Amitayus, the deity whose practice we will be doing during the retreat. I am not sure how much more I should say about it...it gets kind of esoteric from there.

And after the retreat I only have a few days until I depart...maybe I will post one more time before taking off. And then, who knows when???

Everything has changed so much, and it's very exciting. If you had told me this is the direction my life would have turned to I wouldn't have believed it. Yet I am having the time of my life. I guess I say that a lot but it is true. Right around here would be some goofy cliche, but I'll skip it.

I hope more people find some sort of spirituality and/or religion, or something to better themselves and improve their life. I know I feel a lot better and continue to make new discoveries everyday. So many people that I see are so self involved or judge success by material things and my heart really goes out to them...in 50 years is what you are doing now going to seem important?? I am not trying to pass judgment, it is only my wish, my prayer that people continue to look inward, to work on themselves within the paradigm that they feel comfortable with. We are all part of many mandalas, our self, our family, our community, our world. Don't think that one action or one person is insignificant...the smallest actions can have big results.

My motivation for learning tibetan is to benefit others. I try to keep this motivation for whatever I do, but since I lack any real qualities and am very foolish and immature I almost never live up to that. However I do try to think about it as much as I can. Even though I do not have any sort of realization or wisdom I feel that those who have helped me will share in any merits gained from my actions. So I thank those who have contributed money, employed me or have tipped me. According to Buddhist practice every action should contain 3 very important things. The first is motivation, the best motivation being to benefit all beings. The second is to not waver in the action, to do it strongly and purely. The third is to dedicate the merit from that action to the benefit and liberation of all beings. If these three are not present, the positive merit from the action will be diminished and/or not as strong. So I try to do this in regards to my trip, and I ask that those that have helped me, or pray for me try to do the same.

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS

Today I feel a little silly. I hope you know what the picture is from...if you don't please ask your local librarian about Dr. Seuss and scold your Mother for not bringing you up properly.

Oh the Places You'll Go is something everyone should have at least read before, but it describes my joy and jubilation today pretty well.

http://www.mit.edu/people/adorai/seuss/seussboy.html

"Congratulations!Today is your day.You're off to Great Places!You're off and away!You have brains in your head.You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go. "

I love that some of the most profound things in life are the simplest...kid stuff and the simple pleasures. Sure in a big city like Los Angeles there is always something to keep you busy, but are those things really necessary? What about the simple joys of a sunset, a cool breeze, a smile, good friends or a silly poem?

I added some new pictures (obviously). I am still getting used to the posting and so some of the higher pictures reference a picture further down the page. I have tried to correct most of this, but there are pics of some good Central New York sunsets, pictures of the farm, of Bontrul Rinpoche taken during his recent visit to Rochester and some other pics of the Amitabha Foundation in Rochester.

Any questions, feel free to ask.

Also, I have made some changes in the code, so if anyone is having problems...or things don't look right, let me know.

Thanks

This is one of the beautiful thangkas at the Amitabha Foundation of 1000 armed Chenrezig. Also known as Avalokiteshvara (the Hearer of the Cries of the World) and Kuan Yin to the Chinese. He represents compassion which can benefit all beings simultaneously.

one more picture of the farm

Red Tara

Bongtrul Rinpoche @ the Amitabha Foundation in Syracuse. He taught on the history of the Drikung Kagyu, and the Vajra Songs of the Father of the lineage Jigten Sumgon (the Kagyu lineage in particular has a rich history of profound teachings in the form of songs called dohas in tibetan. the most famous example of this is the 100,000 Songs of Milarepa.) He also gave Red Tara and Achi Choki Drolma empowerments.

the shrine room in Rochester (@ Amitabha Foundation). The picture below has little different perspective.

Buddha Amitabha, Amitayus, and Lord Jigten Sumgon (founder of the Drikung Kagyu)

puja pic

these were taken during a recent fire puja with Bongtrul Rinpoche in Canandagua

my Grandfather's barn, around sunset.

more experiments in digital photography. here is the barn, the one still standing.

this is louie, the oldest dog on the farm. we all love him and my siblings and i all remember him from our childhood as a (much younger) pup. Now he is old and hard of hearing, but he is still the leader of Louie and the Beagle Bunch, our house band who perform nightlty (and usually in the afternoon).

dog day afternoon. Snoopy and Boo our female beagles.

sunset lighter exposure

sunset lighter exposure
Originally uploaded by elric121.

this is the same as one of the previous pictures, but i used a different exposure. digital cameras are a lot more dificult to figure out than i thought.

big clouds @ sunset

big clouds @ sunset
Originally uploaded by elric121.

this was a really awesome day

sunset darker exposure

sunset darker exposure
Originally uploaded by elric121.

one night in cato

one night in cato
Originally uploaded by elric121.

Libby has been nice enough to let me use the facilities @ the library to upload my pictures. As mentioned in the previous post, here are some pictures I have taken recently.

Beautiful Days

I really wish I had some random snapshots of the weather here in the last week. The days have been beautiful...sunny blue skys and big fluffy clouds. I have been sitting outside in the afternoon for some chill time/meditation...chirping birds and spacious views. My grandfather's pigeons flying round in the late afternoon. Robins, sparrows, and redwing blackbirds voicing their pleasure at the present climate condition. The sunsets have been really great and I do have a couple pictures of those, which you can see above.

Going to work in the morning is an entirely different kind of beauty...watching the sun come up on the horizon, with mist coming off of Beaver Lake in the foreground...it almost makes getting up @ 5:30 to go to work enjoyable.

Things continue to go well. The fam's coming in @ the end of the month, I am still cleaning and I added this little picture montage to the blog among other things. In a couple of weeks Khenpo Sherab Ozer Rinpoche will be here and I am really looking forward to that.

I hope everything is well with everyone, and don't forget the hype.

And Now for Something completely Different (or Jack Bauer, Dark Knight)

This blog has gotten a bit serious so I feel like switching it up a bit.

24 series finale...

What can I say about this show, and the excellent way the season ended? Well, upon viewing the ending I immediately thought of one of the greatest comic books (in my opinion) Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns. For those who don't know, please run and buy this. It is perhaps the greatest Batman story ever, written and drawn by the creator of Sin City (among other things.) This is a story about the way Batman should be, a slightly pychotic nut who is dedicated to his job (stopping the bad guys) and treats it like he is a soldier at war, a war in which there are casualties on each side. One of my favorite scenes in it is of Batman comforting his new Robin as she is breaking down "Good Soldier" he says.

Jack Bauer had to do the same thing several times this season, choosing between saving a prisoner with potential information or saving Audrey's ex, being prepared to shoot Tony, and taking one for the team by breaking international protocol invading chinese soil. I was slightly disgusted by the government letting Jack take the fall, but like a good soldier he sucked it up and accepted it as part of his duty.

The other major similarity...the end of both stories. Both involve a faked death in order to slip away into the shadows and obscurity. I won't ruin the ending of Batman for you, but it is really dope and I suggest tracking this down (I'll give you a hint...a certain alien reporter getting served proper)

24 is definitely the best non-comedy on television imo, with the Sopranos a close second. I am saddened by the fact that I will be out of range for the next season.

Onto another "dark knight" Revenge of the Sith. I give it 2 thumbs up with my main complaint being that the movie is so intense with effects and battle sequences that it takes away from the coolness of the contest between Obi Won and Anakin.

I didn't think I would end up feeling so much in common with Anakin, and I think George Lucas did an excellent job of making a back story that people can relate to rather than an icy force choker in a mask and cape who redeems himself at the end. It made me wonder what he must have been feeling in Cloud City when he realized Luke was his son.

I also really liked Obi Won's humility, a warrior who won both battles with Vader by embracing the light side of the force.

I did think it was interesting how episode 2 and 3 showed some shortcomings and flaws in the jedi. do you think Lucas was trying to say something there? and what about saving life through manipulation of the force? was it just a lie of Sidious or are the jedi holding off...they obviously have some sort of life altering abilities (like Obi Won's disappearing act in episode 4)

There was also a personal bit of laughter for me to think of Obi Won and Yoda going off into retreat to get stronger and wait for "the new hope".

my thoughts for today

today is a very auspicious day for Buddhists, it's one
of the few Buddhist "holidays". say some prayers!!

i am happy that the blog is coming along well, and
that people are responding. it's amusing to me that so
many people have responded to my "downer" post...i
don't feel that way all the time, but sometimes i have
doubts and fears. that's natural and i think most
people have them from time to time. i think that's why
i wrote about it, because we are all in the same boat
(generally speaking)and i think people complicate
their problems by feeling that they are all alone and
no one knows what they are going through.

on the other hand it seems to be human nature to have
to make our own mistakes. from a micro to a macro
level we aren't too good at learning from the past and
what our parents and families can teach us...we have
to trip and fall on our own to make us feel satiated,
that we didn't miss out on the experience. for example
how many people touch the plate in the restaurant when
the waiter plops it down and says "watch out it's hot"
?

as a buddhist i sometimes run across this as well. we
have to make this huge journey to finally discover
that the secret was within us the whole time...like a
blind beggar carrying around a diamond, but the
journey is part of it and valid...no one could believe
that it from the get go. in "what the !@#$% do we
know" a wonderful movie about Quantum Physics that
came out last year there is an interview with a
Professor and he says something like "if you wanted
to, you could walk on water...the problem is that you
only believe with 1% of your brain that you can and
the other 99% is saying "you can't do that". but if
you could get 100% of your belief and brain behind
that you could do anything"

wouldn't it be wonderful if we could learn from the
wise. there's an old saying that the wise man is one
who realizes how little he knows. or jesus saying that
you you must be like a child to enter the kingdom of
heaven (or something like that). but most people
aren't like that...how do you know what MY best
interests are (all i wanted was a pepsi!!!)

anyway i feel like im starting to ramble, and i'm
hungry to i think i'll say ttfn.

Whoot!

I was browsing a message board re: learning tibetan this afternoon and was quite pleased to find this:

"If you want to learn to speak Tibetan you have to be a)brilliant and listen to tapes over and over again or b)live with Tibetans or in a Tibetan community.
Colloquial Tibetan is extremely difficult to learn, but not impossible. I would go as far as saying that going to India for a few months and living with a Tibetan family might be more useful than taking a University course you pay a lot of money for. Of course, the best option, if money and time allows, is to take a course in the basics and then live amongst the Tibetans."

This made me really excited. I know I am not brilliant, but I can go live with tibetans!!

Also I got my tickets and passport with visa in the mail today. It made me so happy to hold these in my hands. It also makes me happy to know I will get to see the last star wars and the end of 24 before I bounce. Ain't samsara grand? LOL

rover wanderer nomad vagabond

"and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will..." - James Hetfield

It's comforting to know that other people feel the same (or profoundly similar) to you. I sometimes get caught into an ego trip of thinking that I am the only one who feels the way I do, but like Sting so eloquently put it:

"Seems I'm not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home"

It's weird to leave home. I feel simultaneously excited, anxious, afraid and calm. Calm because I have faith in interdependence and emptiness, even if I cannot perceive it directly. Afraid because I have built up a personality, an image, a life of who I am, what I like, what I think and what I want. All these things are slowly falling to pieces. I am eager and humbled, and definitely grateful to have an opportunity to embark upon this journey.

One of the things I have discovered in the last year is that I can do anything if I set my mind to it and work hard enough. For so long I didn't have that kind of faith...my fear of sucess was practically tattooed on my forehead even though I didn't see it directly. And I know that since I felt that way, others must feel that way too. I hope that we can all throw off our fetters and have faith in ourselves; faith to change, to evolve, to live our dreams and follow our bliss.

One of my friends told me that she was envious of me, to see how much I have changed and that I am doing what I want to do with life, rather than following the same old patterns, being stuck in the same ruts, being caught in the same job. This surprised me, because it has been, and continues to be really dificult sometimes. Those patterns, the familiar job and routine provide a kind of security, even if it a false one. I struggle almost every day. I am hanging naked on the edge here, there isn't a whole lot for me to hang on to. The biggest decision is just making the resolution to follow those dreams and to make the determination to accomplish what you set out to do. It seems like things usually fall into place after that. I try and put my faith in that openness. Otherwise I will sit here and second guess myself; get caught up in the whatifs and the possibilities. It's one of the reasons I am anxious to leave, I want to do it already!!

Everything is interelated; Cause and Effect are in control. I think in my case people that have known me for as long time don't see the whole picture...they get little updates every six months or so, but there is a lot of work going on during that time. Karma is action. An action has an effect, it isn't much more complex than that (well it is, but I am not qualified to get into philosophy and the metaphysics of the universe.)

At the root of everything I try to keep a clear intention, a goal that I try to work for...that every action, every breath be for the benefit of others. I can't pretend to live up to that ideal, but hey, a little at a time...action, reaction. Khenpo Sherab Ozer said (and I paraphrase) "How can we live up to this ideal, to benefit all sentient beings limitless as space? How can we benefit someone who is so far away from us? We have to start with those around us, and work out from there."Just let karma work and keep working. It works if you work it...one of my favorite sayings from AA.

Happy Birthday Rinpoche!!

Today is the birthday of His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche. Rinpoche is a very special Lama to me. It would be an auspicious day to offer long life prayers for Rinpoche and dedicate the merit to the benefit of all sentient beings.


His Eminence Garchen Rinpoche is a Drikung Kagyu lama who was known in the thirteenth century as the Siddha Gar Chodingpa, a heart disciple of Kyobpa Jigten Sumgon, founder of the Drikung Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. In ancient India, he had incarnated as Mahasiddha Aryadeva, the lotus-born disciple of the great Nagarjuna. In the seventh century, he was known as Lonpo Gar, the minister of the Tibetan Dharma King Songsten Gampo.

Garchen Rinpoche was recognized and enthroned in eastern Tibet by the former Drikung Kyabgon Zhiwe Lodro. When he was seven, he was brought to Lho Miyal Monastery, which he administered from the age of eleven. Studying and practicing under the direction of the Siddha Chime Dorje, Garchen Rinpoche received vast and profound instructions on the preliminary practices (ngöndro), the fivefold practice of Mahamudra and the six yogas of Naropa.

Then, at the age of 22, after completing a two and a half year retreat, he was imprisoned for 20 years during the political turmoil of China’s Cultural Revolution. While in the labor camp, he received meditation instruction from his root lama, the Nyingma master Khenpo Munsel. Enduring hardship and practicing secretly, Garchen Rinpoche attained realization of the lama’s wisdom mind. Since his release from prison in 1979, Garchen Rinpoche has made great effort to rebuild the Drikung Kagyu monasteries, reestablish the Buddhist teachings, and build two boarding schools for local children in eastern Tibet. Rinpoche is the founder and spiritual director of the Garchen Buddhist Institute in Chino Valley, Arizona.

Long Life Prayer for Garchen Rinpoche
The one known in the Holy Land as Aryadeva,.
Emanated into the Gar clan of Eastern Tibet as Chödingpa
The heart son of Jikten Gönpo
May the life of glorious Garchen remain steadfast for a hundred aeons!
In this age of strife when the Victor's teaching faces hardship
through his powerful, vajra-like conduct,
He takes on himself the heavy responsibility of the unbiased teaching.
May Garchen, the Sun of the Teachings, live long!

Garchen Rinpoche is known for his vast realization, as well as for his great kindness. This is a picture of Rinpoche meditating in a holy cave.

Art Refuge Project and SRI YASODARA ORPHANAGE

A good friend of mine the Venerable Bhikshuni Kelsang Chitta Karuna is now in Sri Lanka working with the Sri Yasodara Orphanage. Most of the orphans there have lost their families to Civil War, and more recently to the devastating tsunami that caught the world's attention.

I urge you to visit their website and at the very least offer prayers for these children, and the wonderful people helping to care for them.

May all sentient beings be free from suffering and rest in happiness and equanimity.

As time marches on...

Greetings everyone.

I am having fun posting pictures to this little site, although I don't feel like I have a whole lot of substance yet. I have lots of things I could say, but I wanted to keep this primarily as a journal for traveling and of Dharma-related stuff. For instance there is the post about Druwang Rinpoche and I need to add a link for the orphanage in Sri Lanka that my good friend Venerable Kelsang Chitta Karuna is working with.

Hopefully the pictures are being enjoyed, but seeing pictures of a mandala pales in comparison to viewing them first hand, they truly are a work of art at the very least. The good news is that posting pictures is painfully easy (which makes me very happy about posting pictures from remote Asian areas)

After I am done with this post I will be off to get the next round of immunizations (yay!) and I have been trying to work as much as possible to gather extra money for the trip. Most of the major things are bought, I am still waiting to purchase the camera, a sleeping bag and various toiletries. Also I am still debating on either a steripen or the Miox water purifier system.

Every day I try to throw away or pack a little bit more, I also have realized how little I can rationally take ( and need to take!!) This is a bit difficult sometimes since most of the things I have left I am either attached to or are Dharma books that I wish I could take with me!

This weekend I was fortunate enough to meet another Lama from the Drikung lineage, but I'll write more about that some other time.

Peace

Mandala Pics

Here are more pics from the mandala. I am trying out a new program to post pictures, so hopefully this works out.

Tengye and I

BL13Jonathan
Originally uploaded by elric121.

I received more pictures from the mandala project today. This is a picture of me and one of the monks. He is my age, and as someone who has considered ordination it was fascinationg to talk to him. Someday he will be a Geshe, and I rejoice in the merit of this, and the work that he and his brothers are doing.

I would like to share with everyone a picture of a very Precious Lama. The picture above is of Drubwang Konchog Norbu Rinpoche. Rinpoche is an exceptional being and a fully enlightened Buddha. He has spent many years in retreat and would have remained there if His Holiness the Dalai Lama had not asked him to come out and benefit sentient beings by teaching the Dharma. If you are interested you can find a full biography and stories about him by googling his name.

The reason I posted this picture is that for a few years I have had a very strong aspiration to meet Rinpoche. I pray that during my travels I will have the merit to meet and prostrate at the lotus feet of this great master.

Also I would please ask anyone who sees the picture to make a prayer for Rinpoche's health. A few years ago Rinpoche indicated that he would soon be leaving his current body behind, but at the request of His Holiness the Dalai Lama he has agreed to extend his life further. Recently it has been reported that he has not been in good health. The picture was taken from a retreat that Rinpoche was leading during the tsunami disaster a few months ago.

Long Life Prayer for Drubwang Konchok Norbu Rinpoche

You possess the treasury of insight instructions of the past Siddhas.
Precious Gem, you are the protector of all sentient beings.
You are the treasure mine of wish fulfilling jewels.
I supplicate to the Incomparable Glorious Lama.
The innermost essence of the Kagyupa Tradition is Mahamudra.
You practiced it with devotion, sacrifice, and forbearance.
May you, the sublime Meditation Master, live long.
Because of my single-pointed devotion and pure motivation,
May my prayers come true for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Joan sent me another picture today (thanks Joan).

I feel very fortunate to have met the monks that came into town last week.

By the way I am having a lot of fun with the blog...I can't wait to have some pictures from Tibet to share with everyone!

One of the guys who took pictures from the Monks tour sent me this picture today. I really like it. 

here's the other picture, these are in my room in Cato NY @ my Grandfather's farm 

this is me...i have to send it to the blog so that i can set it in my profile 

Posting pictures, updates on trips and other assorted tidbits

Well things are moving along... got my backpack in the mail and I have started to plan out the packing (in an attempt to carry as little as possible). My tickets are purchased I am leaving July 2 and my Chinese visa application is out to the travel agency, so that is taken care of.

There are lots of things left to do, I still need a sleeping bag, a camera, backpacking socks and shoes that are set up to travel with weight, medical supplies, maybe a few syringes, and the rest of my shots. I have already been shot up with practically every vaccination known to man, and several of them require 2 or 3 shots (fun, yes???) I know there are other things to do, but that's what I recall at the moment.

Now on to the feelings...

I posted a few days ago when I was a little bit sad about the whole thing...seems the recurring theme of these last couple months is saying goodbye and letting go of things. I had a few rough days on my trip to Los Angeles...saying goodbye to Ricky and Vanessa and Dustin hit me as we were hugging "Damn I won't see these people for a REALLY long time."

The last day of my trip I went up to the top of the hill near my Mom's house, a spot where you can see into downtown LA (my past) and into the Glendale valley and into Pasadena. I used to take a walk everyday and sit up there and think and meditate...It's the spot. I went up there to write a letter to my Mom thanking her and to say goodbye, and I basically cried for 2 hours. My Mom and I are really close, she is my confidant and one of my best friends and it is hard for me to think that I will be so far away from her and the rest of the people that I love.

Then I came back to Syracuse, got off the plane and made whirlwind friendships with a wonderful group of monks. And you know, it made me kind of sad to say goodbye to them too..maybe it was because of the close proximity of the 2 events. It must be hard for them to travel to so many places and meet so many people only to say goodbye so soon to them.

On the whole I feel really excited about the trip, but I do feel anxiety and sadness, I have to keep it real about that. Fortunately this has all gone so fast I haven't had a real good chance to dwell on it, but the feelings are there. I just have to remember my intention, to be able to benefit as many sentient beings as I possibly can, to keep my samaya to my Lamas, and to truly live up to the ideals of a Mahayana/Bodhisattva practitioner. I feel confident that this is what the trip is all about.

In conclusion....

I have been emailing Joan who organized the monks tour and she has been immensely helpful. Looks like she will be emailing out a notice about this blog and asking if anyone wants to help donate for the camera. Thanks Joan!!!

Also, as you can see I have updated the blog with some pictures from the mandala, so I am happy to see how easy it is to add pictures. I hope to add more soon.

Cheers

Here is a picture of Rinpoche and a couple of the other monks blessing the waters of Onondaga Lake with the sand from the mandala. It was a peculiar day, rain was predicted and it had rained the previous day. Somehow when we awoke in the morning it was a beautiful sunny day. Some Lamas can control the weather (among other things) and it made me giggle to think maybe Rinpoche had a part to play in making the day turn out sunny and bright...because an hour after the dissolution finished it was raining again. Oh well, we may never know ;P 

This was the last day... the monks dissolved the mandala as a symbol of impermanence. It was kind of sad, but a potent reminder. Our life is as fragile as a water bubble, like a dream or a flash of lightning (to quote the Diamond Sutra). Buddhism teaches that if we can always remember this fact, our lives will be enriched because we will be unable to waste time in a frivolous way...it is just too precious. Nagarjuna said that wasting this precious life is like filling a golden jewel encrusted cup with excrement. It's a great reminder for me...for every hello there must be a goodbye, for every life death is certain to follow.

So here is a picture from the weekend's festivities. We were fortunate to be visited by 8 monks from the Gaden Shartse Norling Buddhist College in India. They were wonderful to hang out with and one of the things they did was build a beautiful sand mandala. 

How to Disappear Completely

Basically, coming back from Los Angeles, saying goodbye to so many people and embracing the future... I have been listening to Kid A from Radiohead a lot and I really feel this song right now, if you have ever heard it...you know...if not check out the album.

How To Disappear Completely - Radiohead
That there
That’s not me
I go
Where I please
I walk through walls
I float down the liffey
I’m not here
This isn’t happening
I’m not hereI’m not here

In a little while
I’ll be gone
The moment’s already passed
Yeah it’s gone
And I’m not here
This isn’t happening
I’m not hereI’m not here

Strobe lights and blown speakers
Fireworks and hurricanes
I’m not here
This isn’t happening
I’m not hereI’m not here

My First Post a.k.a. the Brilliant Idea

So I had a brilliant idea as I was waking up this morning...at least I think it's brilliant I haven't been able to bounce it off anyone yet.

In case you don't know me, as a quick background, I have been instructed/invited by my teachers to become a translator &/or travel to China to teach English and learn Tibetan and Chinese (the translator part will come later)

Anyway I am really low on funds and as you can imagine, a trip like this isn't cheap. So one of the things that I think I really need but I really can't afford is a digital camera. I mean wouldn't I be stupid to go romping through China, Tibet, India, Nepal and possibly Sri Lanka and god knows where else without a camera to document the journey?

So as I was waking up I thought, what if I asked people for donations (like a dollar), and got their emails, used the donations to purchase a digital camera, then posted pictures to the blog and sent it to the donaters. People waste more than a dollar everyday, and I could use that (waste) to buy something that is pretty darn expensive but kinda necessary.

So that's it...hopefully this little experiment will go off and you will soon be reading and seeing my little plan in action.