rover wanderer nomad vagabond

"and my ties are severed clean
the less I have the more I gain
off the beaten path I reign
rover wanderer
nomad vagabond
call me what you will..." - James Hetfield

It's comforting to know that other people feel the same (or profoundly similar) to you. I sometimes get caught into an ego trip of thinking that I am the only one who feels the way I do, but like Sting so eloquently put it:

"Seems I'm not alone at being alone
Hundred billion castaways, looking for a home"

It's weird to leave home. I feel simultaneously excited, anxious, afraid and calm. Calm because I have faith in interdependence and emptiness, even if I cannot perceive it directly. Afraid because I have built up a personality, an image, a life of who I am, what I like, what I think and what I want. All these things are slowly falling to pieces. I am eager and humbled, and definitely grateful to have an opportunity to embark upon this journey.

One of the things I have discovered in the last year is that I can do anything if I set my mind to it and work hard enough. For so long I didn't have that kind of faith...my fear of sucess was practically tattooed on my forehead even though I didn't see it directly. And I know that since I felt that way, others must feel that way too. I hope that we can all throw off our fetters and have faith in ourselves; faith to change, to evolve, to live our dreams and follow our bliss.

One of my friends told me that she was envious of me, to see how much I have changed and that I am doing what I want to do with life, rather than following the same old patterns, being stuck in the same ruts, being caught in the same job. This surprised me, because it has been, and continues to be really dificult sometimes. Those patterns, the familiar job and routine provide a kind of security, even if it a false one. I struggle almost every day. I am hanging naked on the edge here, there isn't a whole lot for me to hang on to. The biggest decision is just making the resolution to follow those dreams and to make the determination to accomplish what you set out to do. It seems like things usually fall into place after that. I try and put my faith in that openness. Otherwise I will sit here and second guess myself; get caught up in the whatifs and the possibilities. It's one of the reasons I am anxious to leave, I want to do it already!!

Everything is interelated; Cause and Effect are in control. I think in my case people that have known me for as long time don't see the whole picture...they get little updates every six months or so, but there is a lot of work going on during that time. Karma is action. An action has an effect, it isn't much more complex than that (well it is, but I am not qualified to get into philosophy and the metaphysics of the universe.)

At the root of everything I try to keep a clear intention, a goal that I try to work for...that every action, every breath be for the benefit of others. I can't pretend to live up to that ideal, but hey, a little at a time...action, reaction. Khenpo Sherab Ozer said (and I paraphrase) "How can we live up to this ideal, to benefit all sentient beings limitless as space? How can we benefit someone who is so far away from us? We have to start with those around us, and work out from there."Just let karma work and keep working. It works if you work it...one of my favorite sayings from AA.